My foolproof guide for grief.

A while back, I wrote “My foolproof guide for bad days”. A few weeks ago, I repurposed it for Instagram, and it resonated with a lot of people. But grief, unlike bad days, is long-lasting and has a deeper impact on your life. A bad day is a temporary setback, grief feels more definitive. So here’s a list of things that help me when I’m experiencing loss/grief.

1. Don’t outrun it. You will lose.

   First off, grief is NOT a bad thing. It’s something to cherish because it’s often proof of your softness. Don’t try to outwork it or block out your emotions, otherwise, it will take you longer to recover. Some days, you will have no choice but to feel it and honor it. It’s okay if you need a break, you won’t fall behind.

2. Eliminate artificial sadness.

   I talk about this a lot. The human brain was wired to forget (as sad as it is). Don’t suppress your emotions, but let yourself grieve through a natural timeline rather than constantly searching for reminders of your sadness. Don’t play sad music every day, etc.

3. Plan ahead.

   Have a game plan that helps you avoid staying stagnant. Pay attention to the things that make you feel worse and write down how to avoid them or respond to them. Write yourself lists of things you know have worked to make you feel better in the past to refer to when needed.

4. Remove cognitive load.

   Plan simple things like your outfits & meals so that you use less energy to leave the house. Don’t overwhelm yourself with unnecessary choices and decisions.

5. Misery loves company.

   Surround yourself with people who will support you through difficulty, but who still push you to interact with other parts of life. Insecure and miserable people only like to talk to people who they can relate to. Don’t build friendships centered around pain.

6. Eliminate competition.

   When we are grieving our own life, it’s easy to see what we lack or crave in others’ lives. It’s easy to wish you could move forward as effortlessly. But this is a trap- there’s so much we don’t see about our own lives when we’re constantly fixated on others. Focus on the narrative you internalize and how your own self-doubts reflect to you the areas in which you are insecure. Work on those.

7. Find an MVP.

   An MVP is a minimum viable product: the smallest single task that can be completed for the day to be considered successful. Don’t tackle a huge to-do list. Just choose one MVP a day to get done.

8. Write it down.

   Record all the times you experienced grief so you have a portfolio to remind you you always make it to the other side. Grow from it, learn the lessons you need to, and let it be a way to show up as a better person in the future.

9. Pray.

   Or meditate, if you’re not religious. Often, the reminder that there is a higher power that is facilitating everything in your life helps reduce past guilt and future anxiety. Knowing that whatever is meant for you will reach you and that everything happens for a reason will allow you to make meaning of the grief even when it feels confusing. Praying offers a small structure to your day as well.

Wherever you are in life while reading this, I hope that this small list provides some comfort in the grand scheme of things. As always, I’m excited to see who we grow into!