Cursing Out White Men for Money & Other Acts of Resistance

TW: Discussions of sex work, sex, disability, neurodivergence, whorephobia, race play, and other white supremacist bullshit that is reeking havoc on ya boi.

*Deep but poised negro spiritual sigh*

Yesterday was the first day in eight months that I cursed out a white man for money, and it felt… good?

After experiencing a client calling me a racist slur on NITEFLIRT, I decided to take a hiatus from sex work because the constant coercion into race play, the needy, frugal white men that consumed more than they contributed, and the blatant antiblackness that I faced were bearing down on my psyche. I was finding that I was putting in more work than the payoff I was receiving in return, and it made me feel like a failure.

The lore of my foray into sex work starts back in 2020— when I was locked in my apartment like a caged, sex and touch-starved finch just waiting for someone to set me free (and make me cum).

During that time, I needed a creative outlet that would allow me to express my desires and affirm my sexiness for myself, so I started writing about sex and kink as a fat, Black, femme journalistically while simultaneously making lewd and lingerie content for Instagram and Twitter. Despite some of the harassment I faced, I really enjoyed exploring a different medium of self expression where I could play around with my looks and use it as a method of storytelling around my lived experiences. I wanted to show the world— and myself— that my body was worthy of being adored, desired, and praised for the work of art that it is, and I lived for that shit.

Creating content for these platforms allowed me to grow as a creator and explore uncharted territories of my imagination. While it was rewarding, arousing, and exciting, it did not last long.

In April 2021, I was berated by a white woman “fan” who got mad at me for doing more lingerie content than the educational content that I was know for, and shortly after, I found that an Instagram post of me with a ball gag and my tits covered (which tbqh was inarguably one of my greatest bodies of visual work that I’ve made) was reported and removed for “bullying” and “sexual content”, sending my account into an ongoing battle against shadow banning.

To this day, my growth and desire to create freely on Instagram have not only plummeted but also been gravely impacted by people’s and the app’s discriminatory practices. I soon realized that the containers in which I shared my sensual self were no longer safe.

While mourning this loss, many people asked if I would create an Onlyfans account or suggested that I do so. At first, I was opposed to this, as I was not ready to branch out to yet another social media platform. However, I was deeply yearning for a place where my work could be seen with fewer barriers and challenges while I made extra money. I took a little while longer to bat away my anxiety and impostor syndrome and decided to create accounts on various sites.

Over the years, my experiences with sex work have been a mixed bag. The money fluctuated, and I experienced a lot of antiblackness (from both clients and other sex workers) and uncomfortable comments about my body and identities. When things became too much in the spring of 2024, I decided to take a hiatus to figure out my relationship with sex work.

Leaving sex work was one of the hardest decisions I made last year.

Initially, this decision was upsetting because I made it while navigating unemployment, but I also realize now that I just needed time to figure out my needs and creative ways to make this work more sustainable.

I love sex work, but I also love doing work that allows me to be seen, help others, and also remain safe and compensated.

I want to DJ naked and in sexy outfits on cam. I want to make sexy cosplay content. I want to start incorporating more Blasphemy kink into my work. I want to wear makeup, lay my wigs and

read the smut I wrote to my audiences. I want to continue using my voice and talents to uplift other sex workers who look like me.

I decided to go back to this work not only because ya boi is still very much unemployed, disabled, and tired but also because my affinity for sex, kink, and the sensual are all an integral part of my being. I feel most in my body when I am able to engage all parts of myself— whether it be educating, djing, writing, or getting niggas’ dicks hard to my luscious body and the sound of my voice.

Setting boundaries with myself and my clients is a major part of my process of making work sustainable while dealing with oppressive systems. I need to continue keeping in mind that a simple “no”, negotiating my terms, and— if push comes to shove— blocking are all options that are readily available to keep me safe.

Decisions may be challenging but aren’t always finite, and with this one in particular, I learned that after a decision is made, it is absolutely okay to make another one.

I am excited to be getting back into my smut bag, get my paper and clients up, and connect — and possibly even collaborate— with fellow spicy workers and friends.

Get in, whores. We ride at dawn.

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