Regaining Control

Billy Kaderli

I had another photo ready for this piece… then I opened my fortune cookie.

For a man used to being in control, I found myself lost and lacking confidence. This is not who I am. I couldn’t even bring myself to climb an 8-foot ladder for fear of falling. What was happening to me?

I felt constantly beaten down, even though looking back I was still getting things done. Simple tasks like going to the store, buying a plant, and planting it felt surprisingly difficult. It seems almost childish now, but at the time it was very real. When that plant started growing, it brought a genuine smile to my face. Growing anything in the desert is a challenge, so this small success felt like a real win. And right now, I’m taking every win I can get.

A couple of days ago I finally felt like I was starting to regain control. Yesterday was the first day I truly felt productive. The deep exhaustion from the last seven months is slowly giving way to hope and a little joy.

I finished the necessary business in Arizona and spent a couple of days catching up on replies to all of you who have been so kind and supportive during this time of grieving. I’ve also been trying to make new friends outside my development. Progress has been slow, but I’m confident it will come with time.

There’s a noticeable difference between the U.S. and Mexico when it comes to connecting with people. In Chapala, it’s easy — people stop and chat as you walk around. In the States, people tend to be more guarded. I can only speak from my own experience.

I’ve returned to Chapala from the desert heat and plan to stay for a month or so while I arrange an Asia trip for early to mid-October. Having a completely open calendar is still an adjustment. Two very comfortable home bases with good kitchens and outdoor grills are tempting, but I need new stimulus and new stories.

While here, I hope to rebuild more confidence. Then I’ll return to Arizona for a few cooler weeks before flying one-way to Asia. After a couple of months on the road I usually miss cooking my own meals, so I’ll likely come back. Looking further ahead, there’s the Caribbean in winter and Europe next year.

I was even offered a chance to sail on a 204-foot sailboat from the Canary Islands to the Caribbean in November, but I can’t make that commitment yet. I’m still rebuilding.

All in all, I am making progress — slowly regaining my life, even if it looks different than before.

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About the Authors

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli are recognized retirement experts and internationally published authors on topics of finance, medical tourism and world travel. With the wealth of information they share on their award winning website RetireEarlyLifestyle.com, they have been helping people achieve their own retirement dreams since 1991. They wrote the popular books, The Adventurer’s Guide to Early Retirement and Your Retirement Dream IS Possible available on their website bookstore or on Amazon.com.