Grief and the Paperwork Maze

I received Akaisha’s Death Certificate from the U.S. Consulate.

I completely broke down while reading it. Something about seeing it finalized hit me harder than I expected. I guess that’s a healthy part of the process?

Now that I have the certificate, I can move forward with the account transfers. I took a deep dive into the procedures for transferring her assets to me. Easy, right?

Not quite. The more I read, the more I realized how important it is to properly handle her “stepped-up cost basis” on her regular accounts. There’s a tax opportunity here and I don’t want to blow it. I need to discuss this with the brokers. How will those shares appear on my account page? Do they need to go into a separate beneficiary account, or can they be merged into my regular account? These are big questions I still need answered.

Akaisha was the main shopper on Amazon and the recipient of all proceeds from our website, RetireEarlyLifestyle.com. Even after her passing, the payments and business matters still need attention.

Then I discovered she had several recurring charges that I now have to either transfer to my name and credit cards or cancel. All of a sudden I felt stuck in a sticky wicket. Some are quarterly, so they may not have hit yet.

I realized I needed to think everything through carefully before notifying the brokers of her passing. Once I do that, her accounts will likely be locked down, and I could lose access for weeks. If a bill hits during that time, how would it get paid?

Things quickly became complicated. Adding to the pressure, I’ve already booked a flight to the States. I feel much more confident handling these matters in person rather than online.

My mind is spinning — not only with grief, but with this tangled web of accounts, payments, and deposits I hadn’t fully considered. It’s been a month since her passing, and I’m still being hit by unexpected emotional waves. I never know when or where they’ll come. I’m sure this is all part of a healthy process, but that doesn’t make the sorrow any easier.

A kind reader wrote and reminded me to be good to myself — that I’m going to make mistakes. That’s very true. There are so many small details to handle, and dwelling on them in the middle of the night doesn’t help my sleep. I wake up remembering something else I need to do and start making lists. Meanwhile, I still have to cook, shop, and take care of daily life, which eats up much of the day.

On a positive note, I received all the documents and travel papers needed to bring her remains back to the States, if that’s what I decide. That part, at least, seemed straightforward compared to the financial maze.

My main reason for writing this is to share what I’m working through right now. Three married friends who have followed my situation have already started calculating their own “what if” scenarios and wondering if their spouse could navigate these financial accounts.

Remember, our plan was always that I would go first. That’s why I had Akaisha open and manage her own accounts — so she would be familiar with trading, payments, dividends, and capital gains. More importantly, I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be taken advantage of by some financial “shark” once she was alone. I saw it happen many times during my years in the brokerage business. Some people actually scan the obituaries. You’ve been warned.

I’ll follow up once I know how everything is handled. We’ve lived in Mexico long enough to know how the bureaucracy works — or doesn’t. I’m hoping the process in the States goes smoothly so I can focus on grieving and honoring my lost soul mate.

The main reason we retired early was to travel the world, and we did exactly that. At 73, Akaisha outlived both of her parents, but according to actuarial tables, she didn’t quite make it to par. This is an important lesson for those of you around similar ages: be kind to each other and help your spouse prepare for what eventually comes to all of us. Fortunately, we had time to get most things sorted out — but apparently not everything.

I can’t imagine the stress I would be under if we hadn’t done this preparation. It’s been hard enough just dealing with her loss.

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About the Authors

Billy and Akaisha Kaderli are recognized retirement experts and internationally published authors on topics of finance, medical tourism and world travel. With the wealth of information they share on their award winning website RetireEarlyLifestyle.com, they have been helping people achieve their own retirement dreams since 1991. They wrote the popular books, The Adventurer’s Guide to Early Retirement and Your Retirement Dream IS Possible available on their website bookstore or on Amazon.com.