Unexpected Aspects of Dementia

My world grows smaller every day.

I correspond with the world through Substack. I have let all of my past friends, colleagues, contacts go away. I have no interest in speaking with anyone other than my wife, my daughter and her husband.

I am often unable to recall the sequence of steps in a process.

Last Friday I experienced a bad fall. After the emergency squad left, my wife and I analyzed the event. The fall occurred during a transfer from walker to commode. The process involves placing one hand on the sink, one hand on the commode, arranging my trousers then sitting down. I began the process by placing one hand on the commode, then reaching for the sink, then finding myself on the floor.

I have anhedonia

This is an inability to enjoy anything. I typically read two books a week: one novel and one informative non-fiction. I can’t remember the last time I did this. I used to enjoy playing bridge; I haven’t played in decades. Nothing really interests me.

I am no longer able to follow 1,500 word documents

I had to give up my subscription to Glenn Greenwald. His writing tends toward the florid. I likewise gave up my subscription to Chris Rufo; he tends to rely on his opinions as facts, breaking my ability to follow him. It has been two months since I have finished an article by Schellenburg, Taibbi, or Unskooled.

Strangely, my overall memory and IQ are crumbling but still smarter than the average bear.

I’m not sure it’s a good thing that I am able to perceive what is happening to me. It is probably better to know, but that doesn’t stop the grieving. I started this column to share my journey to death, and I need to be honest.