Year of the Snake

Do you ever feel like you have so many things to do that you become incapacitated by decision paralysis and instead do nothing at all.

I went on six dates this year with a man whose previous girlfriend broke up with him because she couldn’t understand why he just stared at a wall sometimes.

When I first started running — one of many times I have “started over” again in this sport, and in this case I am talking about marathon training — in 2020, I thought about reviving a project I had started in undergrad. It was a graphic novel about eating disorder culture in NCAA sports and specifically in distance running, a concept that doesn’t seem “novel” at all these days but wasn’t as socially acceptable to talk about in 2012. I mentioned the idea to a friend, and her advice was to consider the feelings and potential fallout for the people who might be mentioned or implicated. That was the last time I really thought about writing or publishing anything personal.

A quick perusal of my instagram feed tells me I’m not alone or unique in feeling this way but I will say it anyway: 2025 has been an extremely difficult year. For the past month or so in particular, I have found myself hitting a wall (emotionally, physically, mentally) and acknowledging it out loud. “I am hitting a wall!” This is often to excuse poor behavior, or not doing a thing that you were supposed to do, but mostly to get some support or relief for feeling overwhelmed. And the support is always there.

When I think back to a year ago, I remember being freezing cold, laying alone on a futon in my parent’s house during Thanksgiving, unable to sleep or eat and feeling completely unmoored from what was already beginning to feel like my “old life.”

And when I think about it that way, despite the challenges, I have gotten everything I wanted this year. I am overwhelmed with abundance.