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Big News Now!

Big News Now is the most important and influential newspaper in the United States.

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God Asks ‘How Am I Doing?’ in His First-Ever Request for Feedback

I am an insecure writer with low self-esteem, so please share BNN to boost my confidence.Thanks for reading Big News Now!!

Jesus Urges Use of Guns to Enforce Commandment to Love One Another

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Pete Hegseth Forced Out at Pentagon after Failing Sexual Performance Test

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Trump Says U.S. Will Seize 'Strait of Hormel' from Iran

Ports in Vital Waterway to Be Renamed after Food Processing Giant's Top Brands

Hacked Video Shows Trump Diapering a Wiggly JD Vance in Oval Office

President Seen Hoisting and Laying Vance onto Desk

God Announces Recall of Eight Billion People

Creator Warns People to Stay Inside and Avoid Others Until Defective Conscience Can Be Replaced

AI Eliminates BNN Staff and Takes Full Control of Failing Satirical Newsletter

AI Editorial Assistant "Trudy" Replaces Longtime Human Editor Jon Klaverkamp

'American Ream' Still Very Much Alive, Trump Assures Weary Americans

Trump snapped at a BNN reporter when asked about claims the American dream is dead.

Gen Z and Millennials Sweep Up 'Boomers' in Nighttime Raid and Resettle Them on Pastureland in Midwest

Each Baby Boomer Given a Hut and Seeds for Small Vegetable Garden, as Well as Fork and Pocket Knife

Jesus Foretells Rise of His 'Uncle Bernie' in Newly Discovered Bible Fragment

Scholars Agree Reference Is to Bernie Sanders, God's only Brother. Lone Sister Is Christ's Aunt Mitzy.

More Americans Opting for Animal-Conversion Surgery as Rising Prices Make Life as a Human Being Unaffordable

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Potty-Mouthed Democrat Says 'Trump Doesn't Give a Frog's Green Gonad about Workers'

"GOP senators care as much about the working class as they do about a bull's chapped pizzle!"

America Wakes Up Naked and Groggy in Trump's Bed, with No Memory of Consent

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God Releases Names of Americans Going To Hell Within One Second After Death

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Worried Aides Find Trump Barking at Little Dog 'Toto' While Watching 'The Wizard of Oz'

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Stone Age Restaurant Menu Found in Idaho Offers 'Daily Special' and Kids' Meals

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White House in Rubble after God Strikes Trump Administration with Barrage of DX-2 Anti-Greed Missiles

Waves of CM-4 Corruption-Busting Bombs Obliterate Wealth of President and Cronies

Trump: "Now that I Run Iran, We're Gonna Call Iran Irun"

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Christ Appears in Carhartt Winter Gear for 'Healing Tour' Through Minneapolis

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God Is Hiring for the Following Position:

* Virtual Assistant

Congress Revokes Right of Rich Men To Conceal and Carry a Penis, After Latest Epstein File Dump

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