License This

My quest to procure soap for the staff dishwasher started with Reception and sent me on a day-long goose chase through myriad departments, ending, of course, back at Reception – where I stuffed my pockets with soap pods and smuggled them back to my home kitchen. It seems that in the System you just do what you gotta do to get the job done, within and beyond the official channels. You gotta choose your battles.

To recap: I have this sweet little job in the City of Burnaby — a sprawling municipality immediately adjoining the City of Vancouver and separated from it by the mysteriously named Boundary Road. Working for a gigantic bureaucracy of over 4,000 worker ants is a new adventure for me and I am rather digging my life as a civil servant, in all its Kafkaesque glory.   

I like the weirdness of it all, and discovering that beyond Boundary Road lies a secret magic kingdom. But also, I have a tendency toward shit disturbing, especially when the shit involves cars. And the shit I have disturbed at the City of Burnaby is thus: 

Every day the City posts a pile of job opportunities which automatically land in my inbox. I noticed that almost every position stated as an absolute hard requirement, that all candidates must possess a valid driver’s license.

Yes you heard that right, a driver’s license — as an absolute hard requirement, for a job as a pool lifeguard, or doing tech support over the phone from City Hall, or, um, organizing volunteers from my desk at Deer Lake. In a city that, while sprawling, is rich in transit (while not surprisingly, population is exploding all along the two SkyTrain lines). In a City where young people are increasingly deferring learning how to drive, sometimes forever, cuz they don’t need to and it’s just not worth it. In a City where there is plenty of room for more people — but no room for more cars. In a City that has sustainability and environmental issues baked into their strategic plans. In a City that, like just everywhere from corner stores to hospitals, is understaffed and desperate for qualified workers – and which is welcoming thousands and thousands of new immigrants a year from countries where driving is not a viable option. A City that claims to value diversity and accessibility and blah blah blah … well, you get it. It’s a glaring anachronism. And  it makes me doubly crazy because I actually believe that this particular City is very smart and creative and future-thinking. But, behold! A blind spot the size of an SUV.

I thought the requirement was sketchy back when I applied for my own job a year ago, but I actually do have a drivers’ license, and I wanted to get hired — so I didn’t pursue the matter in the pre-interview screening. Never mind that I haven’t driven a car in the city in 25 years — but my piece of paper is up to date. And of course, my driving record is impeccable.

So a couple of months back I wrote a polite letter to the head of HR for the City, asking if they might consider examining this policy in the name of accessibility and sustainability and inclusivity and all those other buzzword-ivities. I pointed out that the new Mayor of Toronto doesn’t even have a license. I pointed out they might be turning away some promising candidates, when we are understaffed at every level. And I said — and I meant it sincerely — that I was writing this letter because I believe that this City has cojones and is for real.

I sent the letter to the Head of HR for the City, and cc’d it to the City Manager, and to the Mayor. Crickets, for weeks. And then one day I got summoned to the office of one of the higher up higher-ups for a chat. I actually had no idea why I was being summoned. I wandered in and took a seat, and got a kindly lecture about how there is a correct chain of command to launch suggestions, and how even though I may send a letter from my personal gmail and claim offer my observations from the perspective of a concerned citizen, I still represent the City, and there’s … ahem … protocol. 

It wasn’t until that moment that the lightbulb went on and I said “Ah! This is about the driver’s license thing, right?!” They nodded. I pointed out that if I didn’t have a (completely unnecessary for my job) driver’s license, I would never have made it past the pre-screening. And that just because I do have a license doesn’t mean I feel comfortable driving. And that even if I agreed to drive one of their little electric pool cars, they seriously would not want me driving the City cargo van at rush hour. They heard me out, and nodded understandingly. I got my knuckles gently rapped for the breach of protocol. I thanked the supervisor and said I’d keep correct process in mind. And then, the kicker: OK, they said, we’ll revisit your job description. And next time your job gets posted, we’ll make sure it says “must have a valid drivers’ license — and be comfortable driving in city traffic.”

Cue dissonant piano chord: duh-duuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.

I thanked the messenger and walked out of their office, a little stunned but also kind of giggling. I imagined my little nuisance email bouncing around through the various City departments for weeks until it finally landed in the Inbox of the hapless supervisor who got tasked with delivering my knuckle-rap, and who did their best with a pretty lame argument. The truth is that the whole driver’s license thing is just old HR boilerplate that has gotten painfully obsolete. But old habits die hard, especially when it comes to the sacred authority of the automobile.

I shrugged it off and some time passed, but I continued to read every job posting that landed in my box and, whenever ‘driver’s license is required’ was appended to a posting (where driving was clearly not part of the job’s essential duties), I fired back a polite inquiry as to exactly why candidates needed to be able to drive. I got a couple of thanks and usually, no response.

Finally, a highly decent admin assistant in HR got my inquiry and took it at face value. They asked around, and replied back that in fact, the position had no real requirement to drive. I responded, thanks, and so then: so can you tell me why a drivers’ license is an absolute requirement simply to apply for this position? (I am really a pain in the ass.)

The admin asked around. The question worked its way up the chain of command and back down again. And finally, back came the reply: You’re right. It’s not necessary. The job description had been amended and the requirement deleted. 

I haven’t noticed it on a relevant job posting since then.

Score one! For the power of civil servitude. One for da people :)