Part 5: Composting Control into Co-Responsibility

The hidden assumption about leadership is that it’s about being in control. Define the problem. Set the strategy. Make the decision. Manage the people. Deliver the results. This is our go-to approach, more or less on auto-pilot.

For many leaders, being confronted with the “C-word”—control—is painful and often brings defensiveness. If we dissect this a bit and hold the tension, we can understand why control feels safe: it feeds our identity as capable, competent, and decisive leaders. Which is also what the cultural expectations normally are. However, in complex, living systems, this tight grip often becomes a blockage. It narrows possibilities, creates mistrust, stifles collaboration, and disconnects us from reality as it is.

In relation to this, I offer a mini-reflection:
Think of a recent strategy you set or decision you made where you tried to be in charge and control everything, and ask yourself:
– What was I protecting?
– What did it cost me or others?
– If I had invited co-responsibility, what might have become possible for the strategy or decision?
– What might have become possible in the relationships involved?

By questioning our need for control, we can begin transitioning into stewardship. In strategy, this would translate into treating planning as an adaptive conversation with complexity rather than a blueprint to impose. In decision-making, it would mean designing processes that cultivate shared discernment, rather than relying on single-point authority. In leadership, it would mean showing up with humility, curiosity, and care—knowing that agency is always relational.

This shift isn’t easy. Control feels fast and heroic. Co-responsibility feels slow, messy, and uncertain. But, as I hope is becoming clear, it’s the only approach aligned with how life actually works. If we don’t steward this shift, we will simply continue with what we already have: human life in conflict with all other life on the planet.

In my next post, I’ll explore moving beyond the ledger—practising generosity without keeping score.