Every coach has heard some version of it by now.
An athlete enters the transfer portal and the explanation sounds familiar:
“I’m not being developed.”
“I’m not valued.”
It’s easy to interpret those statements as accusations -and sometimes they are - but more often, they’re indicators of a widening gap between what athletes expect development and value to look like and what coaches believe they’re providing.
The challenge for today’s coaches isn’t simply retention. It’s clarity.
Because athletes who feel ownership in their growth and connection to their role are far more likely to stay engaged — even when they’re frustrated, competing for playing time, or navigating adversity.
Contrary to what you may think, the programs with the lowest attrition rates are not necessarily the ones with the most wins, the best facilities, or the biggest NIL opportunities.
They’re often the programs where athletes can confidently answer two questions:
How am I getting better here?
How do I matter here beyond my production?
Those answers cannot live only in a coach’s mind or be expressed through occasional praise. Athletes need to experience them consistently.
Development Cannot Be a Service Coaches Provide To Athletes
One of the biggest cultural shifts in modern athletics is that many athletes now view development as something they receive rather than something they co-create.
When athletes say, “I’m not being developed,” what they sometimes mean is:
“Nobody has shown me a clear roadmap.”
“I don’t know what progress looks like.”
“I’m working hard, but I can’t tell if it’s leading anywhere.”
“Feedback only happens when I mess up.”
“I don’t feel ownership in my growth.”
Coaches often respond by pointing to workouts, practices, film sessions, or skill instruction. And those things absolutely matter.
But development is not just exposure to training.
Development requires:
clarity,
collaboration,
measurable progress,
and athlete investment.
The healthiest programs shift development from a coach-driven service to a shared responsibility.
Because when athletes become active participants in their own growth, frustration turns into agency.
Shared-Responsibility Development Looks Like This
1. Athletes help define what development means
Too many athletes hear vague goals:
“Be more consistent.”
“Improve your leadership.”
“Compete harder.”
But without behavioral clarity, athletes are left guessing.
Strong developmental cultures define:
what success looks like,
how it will be measured,
and what daily behaviors support it.
Instead of:
“You need to become a better leader.”
Try:
“This month, leadership means being the first communicator in transition drills and initiating one peer accountability conversation each week.”
Specificity creates ownership.
2. Feedback becomes directional, not just evaluative
Athletes disengage when feedback only identifies problems.
“You’re not aggressive enough.”
“You’re inconsistent.”
“You’re defensive breakdowns are too frequent.”
Those statements may be honest, but honesty without direction often feels like judgment.
Developmental feedback answers three questions:
What are you doing well?
What is limiting you right now?
What can you intentionally practice next?
Athletes are far more likely to stay invested when they leave conversations with a path forward rather than just a diagnosis.
3. Progress is acknowledged before outcomes arrive
Many athletes believe development only “counts” when it shows up in playing time.
Coaches can counter that by recognizing the invisible growth:
improved emotional regulation,
better practice habits,
stronger communication,
increased resilience,
greater tactical understanding,
consistency in preparation.
When coaches only celebrate outcomes, athletes tie their entire worth to performance metrics. Often conflating a coach’s “belief” in them with playing time.
When coaches acknowledge growth behaviors, athletes learn that progress in development matters even before rewards arrive.
“I’m Not Valued” Usually Has Very Little To Do With Playing Time
Playing time matters. NIL money matters. Athletes are competitive and aware of where they stand.
But athletes who feel deeply valued can tolerate difficult roles longer than athletes who feel invisible.
Value is communicated through everyday interactions:
being known personally,
being spoken to consistently,
being included in meaningful dialogue,
being trusted with responsibility,
feeling remembered outside of performance moments.
Despite what many coaches think, most athletes don’t expect constant praise.
They expect evidence that they matter as humans inside the environment.
In the increasingly transactional landscape of sports, its important to note that being valued is not the same as being accommodated.
Coaches can maintain standards, accountability, and competitive depth charts while still communicating care and significance.
Four Ways Coaches Can Communicate Value Today
1. Separate role from worth
A reduced role should never sound like reduced importance.
Instead of:
“You’re just not in our top rotation right now.”
Try:
“While your role may not currently match what you want, your presence, preparation, and influence matter greatly to this team.”
Athletes can handle disappointment better than they can handle irrelevance.
2. Increase communication consistency
Many athletes interpret silence as dismissal.
The athletes receiving the least playing time are often receiving the least communication — exactly when they need the most clarity and connection.
A two-minute check-in can dramatically change how supported an athlete feels:
“How are you handling things right now?”
“What’s been hardest for you lately?”
“Where do you feel yourself improving?”
“What support would help you most this week?”
These conversations build relational equity long before crisis moments arrive.
3. Publicly recognize non-stat contributions
Teams often overvalue visible production and undervalue stabilizing behaviors.
Coaches can recognize athletes for:
emotional steadiness,
practice intensity,
helping younger teammates,
scout team effort,
communication,
adaptability,
culture protection.
What coaches consistently spotlight - especially the head coach - becomes what a team values.
4. Give athletes meaningful responsibility
Responsibility creates belonging.
Athletes feel valued when they are trusted to contribute:
mentoring younger players,
leading warmups,
facilitating film discussion,
organizing team initiatives,
helping shape standards and accountability.
An athlete without playing time still needs purpose.
The Goal Isn’t To Eliminate Transfer
Some athletes should transfer. Some environments simply aren’t the right fit and some athletes genuinely need a fresh start.
This transfer conversation is not about guilt or blame.
It’s about recognizing that retention is often shaped less by circumstances and more by experience.
Athletes tend to stay where they:
experience growth,
understand their developmental path,
feel connected,
and believe they matter beyond immediate performance.
The most effective coaches are building environments where athletes can clearly see:
how they’re developing,
how they contribute,
and why they belong.
And in an era where movement is easier than ever, that clarity matters more than ever.
With gratitude,
Betsy
(Thanks for being a subscriber! Please share this with anyone you feel may benefit from reading it.)
This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.