Earlier this month, as Head Coach Margueritte Bates drove me to the airport in Austin, TX we reflected on my time with UT soccer.
“The coolest part for me”, I said, “was watching the players learn. You’re not just coaching them to play with your system, you’re teaching them how to see and understand the game in an elevated way.”
My own education continued as Marg explained, “In US Soccer the 4 pillars of the development framework are technical, tactical, physical, and mental/psychological.”
“That makes sense.” I said.
“Right. But in other parts of the world the game is taught differently.” She went on to tell me about a session she sat in on with coaches from Athletic Bilbao, a club in Spain.
“We also have 4 pillars.” they said. “From the day they start playing, athletes are taught to ask,
Where is the ball?
Where are my teammates?
Where is the opponent?
Where is the space?”
My jaw dropped, my eyes widened, and all I managed to say in the moment was, “Whoa…”
Why?
Because those questions help players perform effectively no matter the system, strategy, or situation. From the time they start playing they’re training the awareness that supports consistent high-performance.
In soccer, players are taught to constantly scan the field. Not once. Not occasionally. Constantly.
And the same is true for communication.
The most effective communicators are the ones who have the awareness to read and react in the moment.
Here’s what it looks like when we bring those four questions off the field and into our conversations:
1. Where is the ball? → What is this conversation really about?
In soccer, the ball tells you where to focus. In communication, it’s the purpose.
Too often, we jump into conversations reacting to tone, emotion, or assumptions—without grounding ourselves in what the conversation is really about.
Communication tools:
Name the purpose early: “Can we take a minute to align on what we’re trying to solve here?”
Clarify before responding: “What feels most important to address right now?”
Separate signal from noise: Notice when you’re reacting to delivery instead of content.
When you know where the ball is, you can orient appropriately.
2. Where are my teammates? → Who is with me in this conversation?
Great players understand their teammates—their tendencies, strengths, and needs. Communication works the same way.
Awareness here is about connection.
Communication tools:
Get curious: “How are you seeing this?” or “What’s your perspective?”
Acknowledge contributions: “That’s helpful—especially the part about…”
Adapt your approach: Some teammates need directness; others need space to process.
When you know your teammates, you can stay connected while navigating adversity.
3. Where is the opponent? → What tension or resistance is present?
In sport, ignoring your opponent doesn’t make them disappear. In conversation, the same is true for conflict, hesitation, or disagreement.
This isn’t about “winning.” It’s about understanding where the resistance is and why.
Communication tools:
Name the tension: “It seems like there’s some hesitation here—can we talk about that?”
Normalize resistance: “It makes sense this feels challenging.”
Ask into it: “Can you help me understand more about _____?”
When you acknowledge the opponent, you can respond instead of react.
4. Where is the space? → What’s possible that hasn’t been explored yet?
The best players don’t just see what’s happening—they see what’s available.
In communication, space is possibility. It’s where creativity, solutions, and progress live.
Communication tools:
Open the field: “What haven’t we considered yet?”
Invite ideas: “What needs to be true for us to move forward?”
Pause with intention: Silence can create space for reflection and better thinking.
When you look for space and hold space, you give the conversation the greatest chance of success.
Play Anywhere
The beauty of these four questions is that they’re not tied to one system. They travel.
Just as a player who can consistently locate the ball, read teammates, recognize pressure, and find space can succeed on any team, a communicator who can do the same can succeed in any conversation.
Because high performance—on the field or in conversation—isn’t about having the perfect game plan…
It’s about having the awareness to respond to what’s happening now.
So the next time you find yourself in a conversation that feels fast, messy, or uncertain…
Scan the field.
Where is the ball?
Where are my teammates?
Where is the opponent?
Where is the space?
Then play from there.
With gratitude,
Betsy
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