After We Hit Stop.

We usually record the ads last, and that’s when things get a little chaotic.

By that point, everyone is a little scattered. People on the East Coast are already thinking about pickups and child duty. Here in Hawaii, I’m just starting my day. Kids are waking up. Schedules are kicking back in. Ads are… jumpy.

It depends on who’s staying on and who has to leave. Someone drops off. Someone else hangs back. We’re giving notes, trying to get through it, half focused on what we’re saying and half focused on what’s happening right outside the room.

It’s not a clean goodbye. But we do always say, “love you.” And sign off.

And then, pretty often, I text Lucy. She texts back, “Call.”

Sometimes I need the rest of the story. Lucy will tell something on the podcast, and I can tell there is more. Or she will call me because she could tell I was making a face the entire time she was talking. Which, to be fair, I probably was.

There was one recording where a whole group of girls had come over to talk to my oldest while we were mid-conversation. I was watching the entire thing play out in front of me while also trying to stay engaged in whatever we were talking about on the podcast. I’m nodding and reading, but I’m also fully tracking this social situation happening ten feet away.

Lucy clocked it immediately. (I may have also sent a strange photo to the group text.)

The calls are not planned, but they are regular. It’s just that something about the conversation is still sitting there. Maybe something was funnier than we let ourselves react to in the moment. Maybe one of us is thinking, “wait, did that sound weird?” Sometimes, we just need to laugh for a second now that we’re not trying to hold it together on camera.

I’ve always believed in the follow-up text. You know.. the “that was fun, we should do it again” message after a dinner or a hangout. It’s a small thing, but it sort of seals the friendship in the early days. It says, I meant it, I’m in this, let’s keep going.

It’s not just for new friendships.

I think it matters just as much in long-term friendships, and even in work friendships. We still need that follow-up. I need that follow-up.

If I think something was a little off, I’ll check in. If she seems down, I’ll ask. If she seemed really up, I’ll probably ask about that too. Not in a weird way, just a “I noticed you” kind of way.

It builds the friendship, but it also keeps things from getting weird. It’s a way of staying connected, especially when you’re not physically together and can’t fully read the room. You miss cues, tone, and in gaps that might not actually be there. Honestly, this happens in bigger groups, too. I love a post big-group hangout text to check in and exchange observations.

I love a follow-up. A little post-mortem on whatever just happened. Maybe it’s the ADHD in me, but I’m going to replay it in my head anyway, so I’d rather talk it through with a friend.

I think a lot of us take our established friendships for granted. We assume they’re solid, so we don’t always put in the work to circle back on the small things. We move on. But alot of the friendship can live in the follow-up. It doesn’t have to be a whole phone call, just a quick check-in. “I was still thinking about…” keeps the friendship going. It shows them you’re still thinking about them when it’s over. (And who doesn’t love being thought about?)

Time is one of the only things in life you can’t get more of, and it is the currency of friendship. We are all already short on it. So when you spend even a little bit of it on a friend, it feels like something. It’s inconvenient in a small way.

So here’s something to try this week.

Send the follow-up text. Make the call. Ask the extra question. Just stay in it for a few minutes longer than you normally would. You might just end up picking up the phone and literally laughing for 15 min… and then just saying “love you” and hanging up.

— Elizabeth