Boundaries Part 3

Previously in sequence:

I asked friend what I should write about today. And then I told him that I should write a spiritual dictionary. He said I should do A to E today, presumably because he still wanted to contribute to the conversation after I had answered my own question.

I have skipped A, and gone straight to B. I also didn’t make it to C, D or E.

Spiritual dictionary. Anger. Avoidance. Boundaries. Consciousness. Death. E.

Boundaries

Boundaries are when you let someone into your home and they don’t take their shoes off. And they start moving things around and changing the thermostat and scribbling on the walls.

Or perhaps more likely, boundaries are when you know someone is coming into your home, and so now you have to move your underwear and crisp packets from off the floor where they belong and into the bin, in order to please their sensibilities.

How does one establish boundaries? You ask them to take their shoes and opinions off at the door.

This is my home and you must abide by my rules when you are in my home. If you cannot abide by my rules then I will not let you into my home. If you try to gain entry to my home without my permission, then I will use kung fu or other drastic measures.

People however are cunning. They may say “you wouldn’t part an old man from his walking stick?” and only after you let them into your house do you realise that the walking stick is a magic wand that they will use to do an exorcism on you.

Do not guilt trip me old man, this is my home and you must abide by my rules.

Friend and I laid the preliminary groundwork for the spiritual dictionary during the aforementioned conversation, and we each proffered definitions of boundaries.

I said that boundaries are the difference between what is mine and what is yours. He said that boundaries are what determines whether you are okay. I forget exactly what he said, I was more interested in what I was saying at the time and so I forgot to pay full attention to him. Let’s say these are both true.

Sometimes I think something is mine, and you think it is yours. Now we have overlapping boundaries and disputed territory in the middle. And probably at least one of us is going to send in the tanks.

Also, relatedly, sometimes, I need something to be a certain way in order to be ok, and you also need that thing to be a certain way in order to be ok. Perhaps those certain ways are different certain ways.

I am low energy. You assume that this is about you, and that you are not being a sufficiently good conversational companion. This is not ok. You must now interfere with me and my energy levels in order to be ok. It is your problem to solve.

You are anxious. I find this painful and am not ok. Now I must interfere with you and your anxiety in order to be ok. It is my problem to solve.

We are entangled. Like wired earphones or electrons. This is messy. And also everywhere. People love interfering with each other (and also maybe being interfered with).

Stop it.