I read an article last week on The Cut that stopped me in my tracks. Technically, I saw it first on Instagram and then clicked link in bio and read a preview of the article because it was behind a paywall. To be honest, I didn’t need to read the full article. I completely understood the premise because it’s everywhere. This impossible bar that is being set for probably about 99.99% of women to be able to achieve.
Oh and the image The Cut used for the article had old hands against a young face!! I think this perfectly described the subject matter. God forbid you have old hands! Because that’s how others can tell, you know. That you’ve had work done. Apparently, this is about to change as they’re coming for the hands next. Soon the hands will be able to look 35, too!!
So now not only are we being bombarded about politics, wars, a burning planet and the sad state of the global economy. Now it’s our faces. Women’s faces to be specific. Celebrities in their sixties and seventies who are suddenly looking ‘restored,’ ‘refreshed,’ ‘rejuvenated’ and, apparently, younger than their own children.
It’s no longer ‘What did she do to her face?’ in pity anymore.
They’re calling it the ‘undetectable era’ of the facelift. Meaning: you can have work done now that is so subtle, so clever, so invisible that no one could ever guess unless they’d seen the before.
And I felt it again, that familiar knot. The one I spoke about in my TEDx talk. The suffocating pressure to be not just forever young, but now… it’s f**king forever 35.
Take Kris Jenner {Kardashian} as an example. Her face looks like it has a permanent Instagram filter. She said in an interview that she hopes she’s ‘inspiring women.’ Inspiring them how? By showing what only the uber-wealthy can buy? By making millions of women feel less because they don’t have the kind of money to hit ‘refresh’ on their face every few years?
Of course, everyone can do what they want with their body. But I don’t believe this is about choice. It feels that it’s about a system that works hardest against those who don’t have infinite resources.
It’s patriarchal capitalism at its most brutal …
Natural ageing is unacceptable.
Beauty is an endless, expensive, perfectionist treadmill.
‘Inspiration’ becomes another way to make women question their worth. You know, that old ‘you are not enough as you are’ chestnut.
And yet, let me be clear. I do want to look my best. Of course I do. I want to feel fresh, like I’ve had had a great night’s sleep, plenty of sea air or a relaxing holiday. I want to show up looking like me at my brightest. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s self-care. That’s vitality. That’s honouring the life I’m living and the ageing woman I am.
The difference is that one comes from love and self care and the other comes from an impossible beauty standard imposed on women for profit and control.
Honestly? I’m sick to the back teeth of the avalanche that buries women in their 50s, 60s and beyond.
The avalanche of shoulds ..
You should look younger.
You should look natural.
You should look like you’ve had nothing done but also like you’ve been glugging collagen since birth.
You should be ageless.
I don’t buy it. I don’t want it. And I don’t believe women need to sign up for it.
Here’s what I do want.
To be radiant on my own terms. To show up with the face that has lived my life not one airbrushed into a filtered illusion.
Because the truth is I think the avalanche only wins if we keep letting it sweep us away.
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