Chapter 42. Why I Became a Surrogate

By Marina

About 99% of the people I tell I’m a surrogate ask me the exact same question. Most are just curious. Some can’t wrap their heads around it. A few have even thrown a few choice words my way (I later learned that surrogacy is not condoned in certain religions).

The answer to the burning question is actually pretty simple: I had a very easy pregnancy with my daughter, so why not do it again for someone else who needs it? Especially when I knew so many people struggling with infertility, or who can’t have kids on their own.

That decision says a lot about who I am.

My daughter was a very difficult baby. She struggled with colic and GI issues, and my husband and I quickly agreed we were one and done. To be honest, it takes a certain personality to be a surrogate, and I’ve found that personality is rare. You have to be able to separate yourself emotionally while still protecting and caring for that life completely.

Growing up as a New York Italian, you are raised differently. Tough, I suppose, is the best way to put it. When I told my best friend I was starting the process, her words were: “You know I could never do it, but you have the character and ability that very few of us have.”

That toughness shaped a lot of my life decisions.

I left New York to give myself a better life, just like my grandparents left war-stricken Europe. I moved to Arizona, where I met my husband. Most people would say we’re an “opposites attract” couple. He has a southern drawl and the patience of a saint. I, on the other hand, can be impatient and short-tempered, but fiercely loyal.

After 10 years in the desert, we moved back to his hometown. Leaving our friends and family behind was hard, but we missed the four seasons, and he missed being close to his family. Northwest Arkansas is very much a progressive bubble compared to the rest of the state, which is honestly the only reason he convinced me to move there.

Once I seriously started considering surrogacy, I became extremely careful about choosing an agency. I came across so many stories about agencies running off with people’s money or people having terrible experiences. I wanted to make sure there would be no issues.

That’s how I landed on Circle.

They were thorough from the beginning and very clear about what was expected. I went through an exhausting number of interviews and inspections. My husband also had to go through screening to ensure the baby and I were living in a safe, stable home.

At first, the interviews were nerve-racking. Then I met Danny and Jaime.

Talking to them felt easy almost immediately. There was no pressure, no constant list of dos and don’ts. They trusted me to take care of their precious cargo, and I’ve tried my hardest to care for their child the same way I cared for my own daughter.

I followed the same routines I did during my own pregnancy. I ate healthy, tried to eat two eggs a day, avoided stress when I could, and kept Danny and Jaime updated on everything that happened. I wanted them involved in the process as much as possible, whether through phone calls, videos, or regular updates.

Somewhere along the way, this journey became more than just surrogacy to me. I built a genuine friendship with them, and I truly believe they are going to make this little boy incredibly happy.