In My Expert Opinion We Have Too Many Experts

I’ve written thousands of jokes. Mostly for late-night talk show hosts, comedians and other people who need something funny to say. I’ve never thought of myself as anything more than a gag man.

A number of years ago during a Massachusetts governors’ race, a friend who wrote for the Boston Herald recommended I be one of the paper’s four weekly political “pundits” to weigh in during the campaign.

My first reaction was, “Huh, me?” My area of expertise ranged from Cher’s plastic surgery operations to all things Michael Jackson. It seemed insane. So of course, I agreed to do it.

Each week, I along with a Democratic and Republican consultant and a Republican who had run and lost a few statewide races, opined on the Massachusetts governor’s race. The candidates were newcomer and eventual winner Deval Patrick, Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey, and independent convenience store magnate Christy Mihos.

Each week our editor assigned a topic to discuss and debate. It was like being back in school. I didn’t even have to worry about bringing a bad report card home to my parents. I gave myself two goals: Be topical and be funny.

I think I succeeded. But the biggest surprise: Overnight I was transformed from joke writer Ben to political expert Ben. People started calling me for quotes. I received notes from candidate’s representatives. They wanted to discuss proposed policies and, I assumed, their positions on shaking voter’s hands and kissing babies. I was also invited to share my insights on radio talk shows.

In short, I became just like everyone else who expresses an opinion: I was now a so-called expert. I even submitted op-ed pieces, which to my amazement were published.

The more I tried to poke fun at the campaign and candidates, the more seriously I was taken. I don’t think it would’ve mattered if I ended each sentence with a rim shot or “BADA BOOM!”

I do not view myself as an expert at anything. I’ve never been able to program a coffee maker. I break into a cold sweat while attempting to find my home address using a GPS.

Why do we crave experts? It’s hard to find a newspaper article, social media post or political rant that’s not backed up by their opinions. How did we get so many? I’ve never heard a doctor say, “Folks, you’re now the proud parents of a six-pound senior analyst.”

Would it really matter if Yale Divinity School researcher Dr. Johannes Splinterbug’s recent study proved conclusively that people should have a nice day?

I’m no expert, but we have too many experts.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and others. He is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”