The ban on women's football.Two weeks of R&D, music, movement and emotion.

Our expectation was to have no expectation. No presumption that we would be showcasing, and no pressure to perform. Of course, once you get into a room with incredible performers, who can climb into and embody characters whom you’ve lived with for over a year, it becomes very difficult not to launch them onto the stage with a heart full of pride….which we basically did. It was magic.

In writing the music for this show, and crafting the story alongside the director Red Gray, I had trouble imagining just how we would stitch together the ‘two halves’ of our show, namely the greek-chorus-modern-day-football-choir and the cast members. Although at this stage there are still so many decisions to make and so many elements to uncover, it felt like a world was being slowly crafted by these sensitive and passionate performers. At times the chorus felt like a perimeter of safety to hold and protect our three characters- who are living in a world of change, of war, and of an impending ban by the FA on women which would last 50 years. They are vulnerable and they are permeable and the chorus, like a supportive crowd of dedicated fans, contained them. The lead characters we explored in this first stage of R&D were brought to life with such curiousity, I was really astounded by how good actors can lean into these 2D ideas of a person and make them fully formed. It’s incredibly humbling to let your ideas loose in a room with people you don’t know and be greeted with things you hadn’t even considered, or be surprised by the way a character responds to something. I had held the ideas of these characters in my mind quite firmly, only for parts of them to be dismantled and rewoven, it was an honour to experience!

All this to say, theatre is not my world. Not really. I am a performer and have been told on many occasions that I’m too theatrical as a songwriter (lol) but these two weeks spent was such a learning in how the human condition is presented through character. I have long loved the notion introduced to me by Maria Walsh in her book about Art and Psychoanalysis about leaving just enough space for the audience to see themselves in the character. Having an intense experience on stage which is so personalised can become a private moment, thus leaving no opportunity for the observer to see a reflection of themselves in the on-stage action. The themes connected to QUFF are incredibly emotional. I’ve already had many conversations along the way with people about their missed opportunities in football because of the ban. It’s also something that has settled into our bones over the generations, this feeling of it not being for us and shutting the door to the idea of football as a fan or a player because it’s not been a supported pathway for so many women.

For me of course, having 11 performers sing the songs I had composed for this show, in perfect harmony and even more perfect emotional connection is definitely already a highlight of my life. And we’re only in stage one. It was also an honour to share Lewes FC with them, taking everyone along to a Lewes FC Women vs Hashtag United Women, which serendipitously occurred midweek during rehearsals! Some of the cast hadn’t been to a women’s match before, others not even a men’s match, so to have that experience be the first, under QUFF, felt mega special.

There has been so much learning already for me in this space, creatively, narratively, musically and most importantly to keep curious. I was grateful to be reminded during this process about the importance for the actors about the permission to keep curious and keep delving into the characters. During research and development it can be a sure way to limit oneself to stick to a plan, a script, a set list or even personnel. Even though the relationship between the chorus and cast had such a beautiful connection, there are still so many questions about how to balance them and how to

So, what next? The question I keep hearing. The truthful answer is that we don’t know exactly which steps are next, but this show now has a lifeblood of it’s own that seems to be leading us rather than the other way around. There are so many things we want to achieve on this journey but undoubtedly for me the most important is that more people know about the FA’s ban on Women’s Football in 1921. I want to say that it’s beyond me that people still don’t know, but actually I understand it entirely. Women have so long been given an agenda by a patriarchal system that we’re well adjusted to the dynamic of inequality. It’s easier to accept on some deep unconscious level that we aren’t actually able to do certain things and that’s why we aren’t as successful or seen as the male counterparts in many industries. Not to mention of course that uncovering the truth (in this case stopping many many women from progressing in sport) doesn’t often surprise anyone. Suffice to say the enthusiasm, anger, passion, outrage is all in abundance on this side of the project but it’s also absolutely prominent in those who came to see our first sharing. Lewes FC have been incredibly supportive (as you’d expect) and we are hoping to bring our show in some iteration to as many grass roots football clubs and communities as possible. It was also powerful to witness the Pennants made by the community members who came to our banner making workshops during the end of last year.

Something we are also continuing to be open and curious about is where we leave our story. There are of course thousands of women’s football stories to be told, many from a evocative human perspective, but we can’t tell them all and there are many incredible creatives telling so many of them (The Lost Lionessess, Good For A Girl, COPA 71, Eng-er-land, Offside to name a few!) so the conversation continues on achieving that balance between hope & outrage.

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