On Navigating Creativity In Motherhood

“Bella and I, we’re going to have a conversation!” Liz is standing outside the pub which is showcasing her visceral, emotive, dreamlike artwork for Lewes ArtWave Festival. It’s the Private View tonight and we’ve just revealed our plans to…..yes, have a conversation. In motherhood, there isn’t such a thing as too much planning.

I may have convinced myself that I don’t have time to be creative now that I have children but I think I am lying to myself. It’s not that there aren’t sacrifices that the creative practice endures once you have children, because of course there are, rather that in my particular experience, the amount of hours that I spend actually creating is probably the same as pre-babies.

So what is it, why do I feel so restricted by time now that I am a mother? Is it the mental load? All of the things I need to consider at once? The possibility to be needed at any second, that a desperate cry of pain or anger will fly into my ear at any possible waking (or sleeping) moment? Perhaps it’s about permission- in such a different stage of life, there is a longing to be invited in, or told what to do in order to do anything for myself.

I have begun to think it might be bigger than all of these things. I think it’s about the breathing in periods- the time for creative input and nourishing. The time I spent reading, listening, talking to friends (uninterrupted) and immersing myself in culture, live music, walks (on my own!!!), sitting in silence, writing, playing instruments with my eyes closed (instead of eagle-eyed focused on the glass of water ready to tip or one child raising a hand at another), the list goes on… these wonderful artist-input-rich activities had dwindled. But they are starting to return to my life now that my children spend a couple of days at forest school every week, and my creative output is increasing correlatively.

It’s really easy to get stuck in a loop of feeling hard done by or guilty or inadequate, to mourn the time we used to have to sit, open and ready to receive some creative input, and for many of us this is a process we need to go through- not around. Motherhood is transformational in so many ways that art can also be a necessary tool for moving through. My personal process has led me time and time again to this feeling of integration, how on earth do I be both a Mother and an Artist at the same time? Many far more intellectual women have phrased this question more eloquently than me, just in the first chapter of The Baby on The Fire Escape will familiarise you with several of them. Do we need to be 50/50? What if we sometimes spend 80/20 on the art and mothering respectively? Then sometimes we need to flip it, so does that happen only on a practical level? Can I be physically tending to my children’s needs whilst secretly listening to a creatively nourishing podcast on my ear-pods? Is that neglectful? Should I leave the house to write so that I can ‘pay attention’? But then the kids won’t see me be creative and then repeat the loop of feeling un-integrated too?

My dear friend and incredibly talented artist Liz Temperley spend most of our time together conversing on these subjects and questioning how universal these feelings are. In light of these conversations, we have decided to have another conversation, but this time in front of other people and record it, and see what happens.

If you’re local to Sussex, you may be interested in coming along. On Navigating Creativity in Motherhood; Bella Spinks in conversation with Liz Temperley will run alongside Liz’s exhibition as part of Lewes’ ArtWave Festival. [Friday 20th September 12-2pm Lewes Arms]