Inside the manosphere, where men are both deeply pathetic and very dangerous

I wasn’t going to watch Louis Theroux’s new documentary Inside The Manosphere. I wasn’t going to watch it because I figured it would bleak me out (as, let’s be real, it was designed to). But, but, but then I started a workout and was already feeling masochistic so I figured why not fuel these nasty squats with some righteous anger? You won’t be surprised to learn that I was right, the documentary was both bleak and rage inducing. But I don’t think I’d expected it to be so unbelievably pathetic. It’s weird for something to be both laughably pathetic and incredibly dangerous for women but that’s what the modern manosphere is. Cringe violence, if you will. Had the subjects not been as vile as they were I’d have felt sorry for them. Obsessing about their shiny little biceps, their identikit hair, their daily protein goals. Always trying to present a version of masculinity handed down to them by other idiots online. “If I’ve got any trauma from my dad deserting me, I’m not aware of it,” said with a straight face. It must be exhausting to constantly have to wear a uniform that chafes like that.

The manosphere is such a grim, turbo-charged version of everyday sexism that normally I can’t bear to think about it. In a recent Australian survey, 28% of teenage boys agreed that violence could be used to resist feminism while 40% thought that women lie about domestic and sexual abuse. The kindling is always there in a lot of men but the fuel comes from social media, that much is obvious. How do you put this pustule covered genie back in the bottle? Nobody seems to have a good answer. There is so much fucking chatter about the male loneliness epidemic and men’s mental health (a whole lot of it subtly or not so subtly blaming the progress women have made for men’s issues) but any attempt to push back against the torrent of shit being constantly pumped out online is pretty much futile. No amount of parental supervision or phone bans in schools will do a thing to stop this crap if the social media platforms happily continue to host it for those delicious engagement stats.

As I watched these guys talk about masculinity as if they were twelve years olds dressing up in their grandfather’s suits, I had three main thoughts. The first was that these men spent a crazy amount of time trying to be men. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life trying to be various things - a good dancer, a person who can wear high top trainers, a woman who doesn’t judge men in flat caps - but I’ve never spent a minute trying to be a woman, I’ve never felt insecure in my femininity (or lack of it). These guys devote all day every day to embodying whatever it is that they are told a man is. In the case of the manosphere influencers, being a man consists of gym, talking about how much money you have and being constantly worried that your girlfriend might undermine or emasculate you. It looks exhausting. The problem is, both the manosphere and those who wish to offer an alternative hold prescriptive visions of masculinity. Scott Galloway, the man who shouts loudest about the supposed crisis men and boys are facing (while making hilarious sexism jokes himself), wrote a bestselling book called Notes On Being A Man, where he decreed that “men protect, provide, and procreate” and followed up with the tired old cliche that “a woman is not going to have sex with a man who splits the bill with her.” Sure, this kind of outdated talk isn’t halfway as bad as the shit pumped out by psychopaths like Andrew Tate but it’s still boxing men into tight spaces where being a man is this one thing. In other words, it’s still just men telling men what a man is. If you fail to reach the standards set by either side, then what? Toxic masculinity is a trap set by men and watching this show made me wonder whether they’ve ever considered just give not trying to be a man for a bit? It would leave them with a lot more time on their hands to acquire a hobby that isn’t just wearing tank tops and calling women whores. Something wholesome like puzzling.

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