The 5 Swimsuit Theory, Revisited

Way back in March of 2023, I made a TikTok about swimwear shopping and coined what I called The 5 Swimsuit Theory. The video totally blew up, and everybody who commented had a different opinion. That’s the internet for you!

Folks who went to the beach just once or twice a year thought owning five swimsuits was positively excessive. On the other side of the spectrum, those who spent their summers poolside laughed at the impossibility of narrowing their collections down to only five.

But overall, many concurred. The average person wanting a swimwear wardrobe with ample — but not exorbitant — options would be all set with the five options I’d offered up.

A year later in 2024, we revisited the concept here on B List, and it held up! Fast-forward to now, and I’m currently using The 5 Swimsuit Theory to cull and organize my own swimwear lineup for summer.

Without futher ado, I give you The Five Swimsuit Theory, from the core lineup breakdown to my personal market picks for the season. Let’s go, girls!

If you’re anti-skimp, don’t freak out. What I mean by this is that everyone needs a bikini that yields good tanlines. Gone are the days of me purchasing swimsuits with crazy necklines, cutouts, and strappy details that bring about tanlines that absolutely ruin my non-beach getups!

It’s essential to have at least one bikini you can wear all damn day (while reapplying SPF, of course) without worrying you’ll discover awful tan lines after your post-beach shower and nap session.

Personally, I’m okay with classic strap tanlines, so a tie-neck halter style or classic triangle with skinny straps is fine by me. For those wanting to avoid strap lines altogether, a bandeau style is the move. In terms of bottoms, I try to avoid a high-rise style and go for a more traditional brief, so that I don’t end up with the top half of my stomach 10x tanner than the bottom half.

Last week, I picked up the Capri Top and Seychelles Bottom from Monday Swimwear. Their size chart is bizarre (Why are we branding the XL as “V for Voluptuous”?) but the suit itself looks great.

While the point I’m making here is that all five of these suits are non-negotiable, this is probably the only one zero people will argue with me about. A black one-piece is key! I wear it to the beach to jump around in the ocean without worries; I wear it to the pool when I’m on my period and hate how I look in everything; I wear it to the spa when I’m doing a contrast therapy circuit. Everyone needs one. There are no exceptions.

Want to know a secret? The one I’ve got in my lineup this season cost me under $30 bucks. I’m not big on ordering clothes from Amazon — I have a couple of solid tank tops, but that’s really it — but I had to overnight a swimsuit for an event back in February, and it has not gone to waste. This Daci one-piece is cute enough, with removable padding at the chest and drawstring sides for some subtle ruching. Nothing special, in all the right ways. She’s a keeper!

If you’re looking to invest in one black suit to last a lifetime, I highly recommend a browse through Spanx’s swimwear lineup. They offer three different compression options for a super-snatched shape, and the suit I have from them is superb. IMO, your singular black swimsuit should fit like a glove.

Here we have the only category in which we double dip. These are the suits you can wear for almost any occasion, be it a Miami Swim Week pool party, a boat day with friends, or a dip in the pool at your aunt’s house. You can determine what modest means to you, but the way I assess is by considering whether or not I’d walk around in a suit without reaching for a towel or my cover-up to wrap around myself. I don’t want to be inconvenienced by my swimwear!

Because this is the category which likely gets the most use, I recommend buying two so that you don’t feel you’re wearing the same suit over and over again. I also suggest keeping these suits top of mind when shopping for coverups, so that you can really make your looks cohesive. I try to have a sarong that I know pairs well with my full-coverage swim for an elevated, coordinated look that feels completely different than when I pair the same suit back to linen beach pants.

My go-to bikini for the last five or so years has been the Island Goddess Triangle Halter Top and Ruched Band Hipster Bottom from La Blanca. I have it in two patterns as well as bright white (a relic of my bridal era) and they are easily my most-worn swimsuits. I’ve also had great luck with Boden when it comes to fun, patterned bikinis with ample coverage.

If desired, you may reserve the right to swap your second full-coverage ‘kini for a bonus suit in any of the other categories. Maybe you’re just more of a one-piece girl? Use your free will to adjust as needed!

My black one-piece is essential, but I don’t believe one-piece swimsuits should be worn for purely practical purposes. Some of my most stylish suits ever just so happen to be one-pieces! And so, a second one-piece option that’s a little brighter and bolder completes our perfect pentafecta.

Here, the options truly run the gamut. Go for cabana stripes, preppy gingham, or classic Baywatch red. I love a splashy floral, or something truly unique, like the crystal embellished suit I purchased from Camilla for my honeymoon. She’s definitely secured top spot for statement one-piece this summer, but I’ve had other great options from Jessie Zhao, Lilly Pulitzer, and Robin Piccone in the past.

And there you have it, Blisters! I tried to include as many of my favorite swimwear brands as possible above, but to recap a few standouts, I personally look to La Blanca, Robin Piccone, and Boden for the majority of my suits. If you have other favorites I should scroll through or order from, please, let a girl know!

With these five categories on lock, I put the rest of my beachwear budget towards gorgeous hats, cool caftans and sarongs, and fun beach bags to help me accessorize my suits in countless different ways. I’m currently lusting after this Farm Rio coverup I tried on last week at Bloomingdales, but for almost $400 bucks, I’ll stick to my beloved Old Navy linen beach pants. For now, anyway!

x BGF

[Editor’s note: A quick disclaimer here because the TikTok crazies of 2023 made me feel that one is necessary: The 5 Swimsuit Theory is meant to be fun. Remember fun? If you need additional one-pieces to wear while chasing your kids around the pool, please get them. If you want to wear thong bikinis and thong bikinis only, I salute you. This isn’t meant to be a set of limitations for those of you that already know what you want/need/like. This is for those of us that feel either overwhelmed by the options when shopping, or underwhelmed with our current selection. The moral of the story here is to find suits that work for your actual needs, instead of buying every cute suit you see with reckless abandon!]