When Validating Backfires

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This post: why "you seem so frustrated" sometimes backfires and the small wording shift that fixes it.

You’ve probably heard that validating your child’s emotions is one of the best things you can do for them. So you try it. Your child is melting down, and you say, “you seem so frustrated” and they snap back, “I am NOT frustrated!”

Now what? It feels like there’s nowhere to go from there. Did validation just fail?

Not exactly. It’s a common trap and a small wording shift changes everything. Dr. Janet Patton breaks down why naming a child’s emotion for them can backfire, and what to say instead so validation actually does its job.

▶️ [Video: When Validating Backfires]

Dr. Janet Patton | 1 Minute

⚡ Quick Tips

Looking for a fast reminder? Here’s the short version.

Things to Think About:

• Say only what you know

• Don’t assume their emotions

• Wait for big feelings to subside before talking

• Their brains can’t process effectively during emotional moments

Key Takeaway: When kids are overwhelmed with emotions, the key is to let them know you see and hear them, but wait until they're calmer before engaging in conversation. This validates their experience without escalating the situation.

Curious about related content?

• How Validation Improves Relationships

• Practicing Active Listening

• Anger: What’s Going on in Your Child’s Brain?

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