When Perfectionism Becomes a Problem

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This post: The four signs that tell you your child's perfectionism has crossed into something harder to carry.

Ever had the thought “she’s such a perfectionist”? The redone homework. The color-coded folders. The way they double-check everything before turning it in.

It’s easy to read that as a strength because a lot of the time, it is. Kids who hold themselves to a high standard tend to work hard, stick with things, and set real goals for themselves.

But there’s a version of this that’s not ambition anymore. It’s the ripped-up worksheet because the handwriting “doesn’t look right.” The stomachache that shows up every single test morning. The tears that don’t match the size of the mistake.

That’s anxiety wearing ambition’s clothes and it’s worth knowing how to tell the difference.

Alisha Williamson, Ed.S. sees this often and has a few suggestions for how to know what’s going on below the surface.

▶️ [Video: When Perfectionism Becomes a Problem ]

Alisha Williamson, Ed.S. | 1 Minute

⚡ ⚡ Quick Tips

Looking for a fast reminder? Here’s the short version.

Warning Signs to Watch For:

• Negative self-talk: “I’m so stupid” or similar harsh self-criticism

• Mysterious “illnesses” before tests or performances

• Tearful reactions to making even minor mistakes

• Destroying work that doesn’t meet their impossible standards

Key Takeaway: Remember that perfectionism often masks anxiety. When you spot these behaviors, it’s time to help your child develop healthier perspectives on making mistakes and meeting expectations. While excellence is worth encouraging, the goal isn’t perfect work, but kids who can bounce back from setbacks.

Curious about related content?

• The Magic of Mistakes

• “I’m sick!” The Brain’s Clever Escape Route

• Worry: What’s Going on in Your Child’s Brain

If you’ve taken our GoodFit Quiz and landed on Worrier, this is exactly the child we’re talking about. Haven’t taken it yet? [Take the GoodFit Quiz →]

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