Welcome back to The Messy Middle! Where the team from Belay Guidance grapples with real questions and all the messy moments where real parenting happens.
This post: this week Belay’s own Dr. Carol Matheson shares how she treats August as her real “new year” for setting family routines.
It’s that time of year. For me, August has always felt far more like a true “New Year” than January 1st ever could.
That fabulous feeling of opening fresh notebooks, sharpening pencils, picking out a new backpack and that wave of renewed parental optimism where I map out big, audacious goals for our family.
You know, things like, this year…
We will start the bedtime routine earlier.
We will eat a full, sit-down breakfast every single morning.
We will strictly enforce electronics limits after 6:00 PM.
Best intentions. Did all these plans actually happen? Some of them, sure. But never all of them.
The New Year Window…Before Exhaustion Wins
What I’ve learned after living through enough back-to-school seasons is a simple truth: setting my family up for success means being intentional from the start.
As a mom of three (who happens to be a child psychologist) I’ve tried to tap into all the power of routines, setting schedules, and clear expectations.
Start as you want to go...set the routines and expectations from the beginning. It’s infinitely easier than trying to course-correct down the road.
Create a rhythm when everyone is fresh and eager, rather than deciding three weeks after school has started and everyone hits that first wave of exhaustion.
Decide on the simple routines that will be helpful for your family. Consider structure for where, when and how homework gets done; bedtime routines that support healthy habits; or morning routines to support independence.
Equally important is acknowledging that we can’t do it all. So my strong encouragement is to pick what truly matters most to you and what you feel would be most helpful for your family.
Ten new rules may be overly ambitious. A couple of clear anchors sets the tone from day one.
When you establish an expectation early, it feels like a new environment. When you try to add it weeks later, it feels like a punishment.
Kids adapt quickly to whatever baseline we establish at the start of a transition.
For instance, if you’d like screen-free afternoons or a designated study spot, start early (that first Monday if you can). Kids will accept it more easily as simply “how things work here.”
Then hold the line (the power is in consistency). It might seem tiresome now, but doing it early requires far less emotional energy than trying to reclaim ground later.
And know that it’s not about rigid perfectionism, but realistic frameworks to help you choose your non-negotiables and build structure and routines that actually last.
Start here:
The Power of Routines: How Structure Helps All Kids Thrive
Whether you’re a natural planner or more go-with-the-flow, this one lays out what routines are actually doing for your child underneath the surface. Dr. Matheson breaks down why predictability isn’t about rigidity. It’s about freeing up mental space for everything else.
“Routines do something specific for kids: they lower the mental load of not knowing what's next, which frees up space for everything else, like best behavior, learning, and connection”
Then, build the day:
Morning Routines: Simplify the Start to Your Day
A simple, visual system for getting out the door with less nagging and fewer battles. Dr. Matheson shows how much structure your child actually needs — and it’s not one-size-fits-all.
“Mornings don’t need more nagging, they need more structure and the right amount of structure looks different depending on your child”
After School Hustle: Creating Routine that Works
A predictable downtime-to-homework-to-reward flow that brings calm to the most unpredictable stretch of the day. Adaptable no matter what time you’re walking in the door.
“The magic isn’t in the perfect schedule but in staying consistent and giving lots of praise for cooperation”
And wind it down:
Sweet Dreams: Building a Bedtime Routine that Works
Dr. Matheson shares a checklist-driven approach to bedtime that helps kids see their own progress and helps parents get their evenings back. Small environmental shifts that signal it’s really time to wind down.
“Consistent bedtime habits take time but create calmer nights for everyone.”
Calming Body, Calm Mind: Routines for Your Energetic Child
For the Impulsive child whose mind is still racing at lights-out Dr. Pak Bruner walks through how to build the runway to sleep before bedtime even starts.
“This isn’t a battle you win by pushing harder.”
What’s your “new year” resolution? What do you look forward to most at the start of a new school year? We’d love to hear it!
Thanks for reading!
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