it's time to exit the waiting room

I used to treat my life like a waiting room. Not on purpose. Not consciously of course. Who does that?? Who consciously decides “this chapter doesn’t count yet”?!

No one that loves their life. Nobody walks into their own precious incarnation, takes a paper ticket from the little red dispenser, and sits down under the flourescent lights thinking: Great!! I’ll just be here until the real thing starts.

Except for we all do it.

My ego hates to admit it, but I did exactly that for months.

And I’m somebody who loves her life. I’m a full-blown life addict. No really, ask me about my life, you’ll be shell-shocked by how many stories I’ve collected under my tongue. Heavy on the life experience. Low on the shame. I will die taking every risk that makes my piscean heart leap and beat. I have followed that beating thing in my chest high and low through dry-deserts riddled with mirages and into impulsive decisions and relations and back into paradise where I could kick up my feet and write the kind of poetry that hits you in the jugular when you read it.

But I still fall victim to this kind of to the later-game-waiting-room-thinking.

Just imagine a waiting room again. Maybe your waiting room is the dentist’s lobby. Or maybe yours is the DMV. Terrible lighting. Outdated magazines. Strange smells. Oddball humans. Nothing to do, but literally anywhere better to be….and you’re just sitting there holding that red ticket and waiting while the person you’re itching to become stands on the other side of the glass wondering why the hell you don’t just choose anarchy, take life into your own hands, and go for the thing you want?!

I know. When I put it that way, it sounds f*cking ridiculous to wait for your dreams while your one precious life trickles away.

Months have flown by me like this. Whole months, just gone. I deprioritized everything that makes me feel like myself, the writing, the dancing, the magic, the witchiness, the communing with nature, because I was “too busy.”

Too busy. But never too busy for work or the emails or for the day-to-day responsibilities. Funny how that works.

That’s bullshit and consciously I know it, but the subconscious is sneaky like that.

It wraps around your neck like a boa constrictor until your soul is suffocating and starved for LIFE.

We don’t mean to do things, but we do them anyway.

You do it too. I’d bet my money on it, and I don’t gamble. I’m a pisces with too much dionysus energy, remember?

So yes. You do it too.

Remember?

Do you remember the uncertain times when you were in the midst of a shift, or just plain busy, and you found yourself thinking;

“Ok the real thing starts when I get through this part.”

When the trip is over.

When the holidays are done.

When the break up you’ve been avoiding happens.

When you stop feeling like you’re between versions of yourself and actually arrive at the next one.

When you actually start doing the things you fucking love (like writing, dancing, expressing, practicing magic)

When you lose the weight.

When you leave the job.

When you stop feeling like a rough draft of yourself and finally get to be the published version.

when there's money, clarity, an apartment with good light.

My love….My sweet, sweet, love. Respectfully? Fuck that.

Later is an uninhabitable country where nothing grows and you can’t even get a visa to go there. No plane flies there.

Later doesn’t exist. There’s only right now.

Everyone you’ve ever admired built their life out of a pile of right-nows, most of them inconvenient, and messy, and certainly not photogenic in the early stages.

And I'll tell you what i didn't want to know about my own waiting room, the thing that finally got me to run out of that purgatory waiting room.

Busy, going through it, waiting, they’re all costumes that fear wears. Fear knows that a chapter that “doesn’t count” is a chapter that you can’t fail. Noting you do in that room can be held against you. Nothing in there counts at all, except for the passing of your sweet precious time.

Waiting is just another word for hiding. Waiting is just another way to avoid facing the wobble. But fuck waiting. Fuck later. Later doesn’t exist. There is only right now.

Your hero story is being written right now. This breath. This boring old tuesday, sitting at your desk, finally sitting down in your pajamas with your hair knotted on top of your head to revive the substack you’ve been wanting to go all in on (yes, I’m speaking to myself).

I left the waiting room behind and here’s what I have to say to anyone still in it:

Put the ticket down.

The waiting room isn’t going to get you to the other side that you’re obsessed with fantasizing over.

Growth isn’t waiting for you like you’re waiting for it.

Growth lives in the space between the known and the unknown, not at the destination.

In fact, you only get to the destination if you grow on your way through the in-between.

Your hero story isn’t waiting for you on the other side of the uncertainty. It’s not starting when things settle or you figure yourself out more. It’s being written right. Now. It’s happening right. Now.

So instead of trying to rush through this part, or postponing what this season is asking of you….

Pay attention to what it’s asking.

Let it do what it came to do.

Work with life, not against it.

You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

P.S. HI SUBSTACK FRIENDS! I’m back with a creative fire in my belly and I’m going all in on writing my little heart out to you. I had to take some time away to get really clear on exactly how I wanted to use this space, but I’m back and ready to roll. I’ll be sharing free newsletters, and then lots of juicy personal diary entries for my paid subscribers.

P.S.S.

If you’re ready to go ALL IN on yourself for the rest of 2026, and to truly write yourself the hero story you’ve been waiting for, I designed my new legacy program Divine X Design for you. It took me a year and a half to bring it through to completion because I wanted it to be the best thing I’ve ever created (and it is). For the visionaries, the creatives, the mystics, the heart-led leaders.

We’re already 60% full. The founding cohort specials end in one week.

Learn more here, or shoot me a message to chat!

https://divinexdesign.showit.site/

Love you long time.

-Bela