married on the dancefloor

The eclipse energy is thick today as I write this. Leo meets Leo fierce truth energy coming through. What’s new? The cosmos impact me well and thorough. What else would you expect from a piscean woman?

What is new is that I committed to going to Burning Man again. If you told me that would happen two months ago I would have been thoroughly surprised, but it seems I like to keep myself on my toes like that.

H & I were 100% out. We’re getting married this year and it felt like a lot to juggle, even though that is the magical city where we spontaneously got engaged. So I spoke the fated line that cast its spell across space and time, forgetting the power of my words.

“I mean….I'll only go if it falls into my lap.”

Famous last words.

Two days later one of our friends called and offered to bring all our stuff to Burning man so that we could skip the 20+ hour ride into Black Rock City. All we had to do was get our cute little booties on a flight and then ride in on the burner express which skips the regular ticket holder line.

I was back and forth, back and forth. Plagued by my indecisiveness. Every time my action-oriented man asked me what I was thinking and feeling, what I wanted to do, I deflected the question with an, “I don’t know. What about you?”

He told me he’d be happy so long as I was happy.

I told him I wouldn’t know until our camp’s pre-burn party, which was on 8/8.

do you still want to get married on 8/8? he'd ask. Huub and I were originally planning to get legally married on 8/8, but we had also agreed to change our last name before we got married (we’re creating a new lineage) and the name change hadn’t been approved yet.

“i want it to be meaningful. we need to plan something if we’re not getting legally married, but i don’t know if i’ll have time.”

i’m too busy with my clients and my writing, i’d say. he'd propose other dates. 10/10, 11/11. none of them felt quite right. So I just kept floating. Suspended between yes and no. Between certainty and confusion. Between the version of me that likes to plan and the version of me that knew I couldn’t rush this decision.

For weeks this was the conversation.

Then Saturday 8/8 rolled around and I still didn’t know.

That evening all of our Venice friends came over and we hopped on a party bus to a burning man costume warehouse. We wandered through rooms of furs and kimonos and danced and caught up. The air was already shifting, the energy thick and witchy.

Then we headed to a venue in LA called Gin Ling Way to see Carlita perform and the energy was THICKER. Channeling state thick.