Journal Entry #1: Who are you creating for?

Today is a day like any other day. I begin to stir awake as soon as my love leaves the bedroom at 5ish as he always does. He’s an early riser, and an early thinker, and his desire to positively impact humanity keeps him going. I’m an early riser too, but I’m the slower one in our relationship.

I reach for my phone but do the conscious thing and instead of heading straight into the doom scroll tunnel of social media, I find a loving kindness meditation, put my hands on my heart, and lay there, sending love to myself and everyone in the universe, even my enemies (10/10 shadow work practice).

Then comes bone broth and coffee, mine a little sweet, and finally I arrive here at my desk to write while the sound of Olafur Arnalds fills my office with its dreamy soundscapes.

Yesterday was the first Monday that I’ve missed writing or posting my weekly Substack post because I was too busy and my creative energy was expended on book-writing, so I didn’t have it in me to write something that expressed my soul here.

But I value being a trustworthy person and I take follow through seriously. Every time I follow through on a commitment (like my weekly post) I know I build trust with you (and I value you so much, thanks for being here).

So then I found myself thinking;

Should I do a bi-weekly post instead? Should I stop making so many weekly promises?

Or should I show up messy, every week, just because that is what’s real?

Is it better to be consistent, or to accurately represent yourself, only when you feel able?

Many people would pull out Claude or ChatGBT in this given scenario and have these LLMS write for them, but you already know I refuse to do that. So I didn’t try to force myself to write from a place of having to.

No.

Writing has been the greatest gift I’ve ever received in my entire life — the gift of knowing myself. The gift of self awareness. The gift of articulation. I get to do it.

Ever since that fated day that my dad gave me my first journal when I was 7. It’s been twenty-three years of writing in this way now. Twenty-three years of building worlds with my words. Twenty-three years of practicing messy authentic expression.

I don’t have to write, I get to write.

Writing for me is like oxygen. If I go too long without it, I start to feel like I’m suffocating. This is how I release the pressure valve, stay spiritually connected, and feel immense amounts of clarity and joy.

I refuse to turn it into some spectacle for follows or likes.

No. It’s far too sacred to me.

I don’t want to leash or niche this part of me, but I do want to share it.

I know there’s medicine in it, even when it’s imperfect and unedited.

So then today, I thought, what is the most honest thing I can write about right now? What’s alive, real, and true?

And this is what’s coming through.

No edits.

Just fingertips flowing to the most poetic piano sounds that put my soul at ease.

I’m someone who values authentic expression over performance, so I’d rather just let you in on my messy process instead of trying to force providing value.

That’s what’s real, alive, and true.

I hope this encourages you to create freely, in a way that expresses your soul. Because ultimately, that is how you experience more of the divine in your life — by authentically experiencing and expressing what it means to be uniquely you.

By allowing your heart and your essence to shine through that beautiful vessel called body that you’ve been given.

This is how you come home to yourself.

Xx

Bela

P.S.S if you want to co-create with me, give me a prompt or an idea and I’ll write you something.