sized down 💌

i went shopping today.

i haven’t really shopped in two years,

maybe a piece here and there,

but i never bothered to check the size.

same size i’ve always been,

i thought to myself

before placing an order,

never feeling like there was a problem.

but something was different today.

i grabbed a pair of jeans,

sized large,

and two t-shirts

that had full sleeves

to cover my flabby arms

and just loose enough

to hide my stomach rolls.

but when i tried them on,

huh… too loose.

let me size down.

i grabbed a medium,

then a small.

and as i walked into the fitting room area

holding a size small,

i felt like an imposter,

waiting for that look

from the girl handing out numbered cards

“those will never fit her”

but i didn’t get that look.

and as i tried on those jeans,

a slight snug as i pulled them up my thighs,

and they fit perfectly.

the top too,

one that showed my arms a bit more

than the ones i chose previously.

and when i looked in the mirror,

i didn’t see that girl.

the one who acted like she wasn’t hungry in public.

the one who avoided any social events

where she might embarrass herself.

the nice girl who couldn’t say what was on her mind

because she didn’t want to be more unlikable.

the girl who was always in the corner of the photo,

so she didn’t cover anyone else.

the one who didn’t feel comfortable dancing at events.

the one who was afraid

that people would see her

the way she saw herself.

but now i can say

the hard work paid off.