First place.
Second place.
Third place.
Competition.
The fight to be number one. The best.
It’s everywhere.
At work: employee of the month, promotions, “head of.”
In sports: winner vs loser.
In music: Top 100, Top 10.
In relationships: married vs single, as if there’s no in-between.
In families, parents compare siblings and other family members.
In society: the top 1%.
Everything is framed as a competition, or at the very least, the illusion of one.
And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend your entire life chasing.
Now, let me be clear. Wanting more for your life is not the problem. Wanting growth, progress, and expansion is healthy.
But there is a thin line between healthy ambition and allowing competition to consume you. Between testing your skills and letting comparison control your worth.
I’m writing this for the people who’ve embodied the role of the chaser.
Because the world thrives on competition, but who really benefits?
Just because someone is employee of the month doesn’t mean you have nothing of value to offer.
Just because someone’s art or content is getting recognition doesn’t mean yours is less impactful.
Just because someone gets married quickly doesn’t make their love story stronger than yours.
It’s all about perspective in accordance with you, and the things that you want for your life.
Which brings me to this:
There is no competition because you are the blueprint.
Yes, you.
The reflection you see in the mirror.
You’ve always been a mystic.
Always magnetic.
Always knew you were that girl.
And if no one ever told you, I’m here to remind you.
Now it’s time to be her fully.
Because in the end, it’s always been you vs you.
Winning feels good, sure. But the finish line keeps moving.
There will always be another goal.
Another milestone.
Another person ahead.
Someone will always be prettier. Smarter. Louder. More visible.
But what if instead of chasing someone else’s path, you created a vision for your life?
What if you set goals based on what you actually want, stayed open to pivots, and let life surprise you?
Because tunnel vision can make you miss the path that leads to something even better.
What if you focused less on accolades and aesthetics, and more on how you want to feel?
Do you want aligned relationships?
A career pivot?
Better health?
More freedom?
New skills?
Creative expansion?
Ask yourself honestly:
Why do you want these things?
What feeling are you chasing?
And is it truly for you, or is it what you think your life should look like?
How many times have you achieved something meaningful, only to downplay it because it didn’t feel “big enough”?
I know I have.
And it’s sad because all wins big or small deserved to be celebrated.
Achievement without acknowledgment turns into overachievement.
And overachievement turns into exhaustion.
So let me ask you this: who are you really working for?
If it’s not for you first, it will never feel like enough.
Your worth cannot be tied to winning or losing.
Because you will lose.
You will be delayed.
You will be denied.
Sometimes what you want is smaller than what’s actually meant for you.
Sometimes the “loss” is protection.
Sometimes the lesson is the path.
Constantly comparing yourself to others will leave you burnt out.
Anxious.
Disconnected.
And not living your life fully.
You miss what’s right in front of you: the opportunities, the growth, the things you need to refine or release.
When you chase a blueprint that isn’t yours, what you build will crack.
It’s why people “make it” and lose everything.
They never defined their why.
Never created a personal code.
Never built something sustainable for themselves.
I wrote more about the tools and frameworks I’m using on my journey in my last essay, Believing in Yourself Is the Only Option. I’ll link it here.
Your only real goal is to become a better version of you.
Not better than someone else.
Better than who you were yesterday.
Did you show up 1% better today?
Did you try something new?
Work towards your goals?
The beginning of the year always comes with this pressure to reinvent ourselves overnight, as if real change is supposed to happen instantly.
But the shifts we actually want, better relationships, more abundance, more confidence, don’t come from overnight transformations.
They come from small habits.
Small decisions.
Choosing yourself again and again.
So many of us look outside ourselves for inspiration.
But the real shift happens when you trust your own voice.
Becoming your own muse changes everything.
Now that you understand competition, where it comes from, and how it quietly shapes behavior, there’s something else that matters.
Not everyone is privy to this information.
And even when they are, not everyone will choose to understand it.
I’m not saying to be complacent.
I’m not saying to stop striving, growing, or wanting more.
I am saying this:
What is meant for you will always be for you.
Especially as women, we were never meant to fight the way we’ve been taught to. We are intuitive beings. We create things out of nothing. We are manifestors, alchemizers, the pinnacle of strength.
Some of us were never meant to compete.
We were meant to improve existing lanes or create entirely new ones.
That idea can sound weird depending on your environment. And I get it.
Especially if you’re first-generation, a child of immigrants, or raised in survival mode. Many of us were taught that we had to fight for our spot or we would fail. There is truth in that narrative, but it’s also incomplete.
For perspective:
Remember going to school? Let’s be real. Getting a B+ was never the end of the world.
And in 2026, depending on the field, one degree or even two is rarely enough on its own.
Experience matters.
Relationships matter.
Who you know matters.
That part is uncomfortable to admit, especially for parents and caretakers who believed excellence alone guaranteed safety or success. But grades and credentials do not automatically create a life where everything is easy.
And because many people were raised inside this competitive conditioning, you may notice something else…
People are in silent competition with you.
Not because you’re doing anything wrong.
Not because you’re taking something from them.
But because they don’t yet understand that everyone has a role. Everyone has a secret sauce. Everyone has a part to play.
You do not need to meet that energy with aggression.
You can respond with clarity.
With understanding.
With boundaries. Access denied.
Because yes, if women genuinely formed community the way we are capable of, we would have the power to dismantle entire systems.
But we are not there yet.
And we may never fully be.
Competition has been programmed too deeply into us.
So your work is not to save everyone.
Your work is to stay ten toes down in your own lane, your own rhythm, your own becoming.
Because originality was always the point.
And comparison never was.
Here’s to a new year of clearer choices and staying in our own lane.
Thank you for being here. See you in the next letter.
If you’re still here, it’s because something in this letter touched the part of you that’s waking up.
Inside the paid tier, I share 1–2 deeper essays each month, expanding on the themes we explore here: self-trust, identity shifts, creativity, boundaries, and becoming more aligned with who you’re becoming. I also share resources and first access to what I’m building as the year unfolds.
If you want more depth and reflection as you move through your own becoming, you can upgrade below.
If you’re in a season where things feel unclear, how you see yourself, your work, or your creative direction, I offer 1:1 clarity sessions.
These are 60-minute private conversations designed to help you talk things through honestly and leave with clearer options, next steps, and a stronger sense of direction.
Clarity sessions include 3 months of access to my paid Substack, so you have support as things continue to unfold after our call.
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