Why I Don’t Take Sides

In today’s world, it often feels like we’re being pulled into choosing sides. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or personal conflicts, the pressure to pick a camp can be intense. Take, for example, the Israel-Palestine conflict — a topic so deeply painful and complex that it’s almost impossible to find simple answers or “right” sides.

For me, not taking sides isn’t about indecision or avoidance. It’s about holding space for complexity, empathy, and the messy truths that don’t fit neatly into boxes.

The Pressure to Pick a Side

We live in a culture that often demands clear answers. Black or white. Right or wrong. Friend or foe. When someone refuses to pick a side, it can make others uncomfortable. They might see it as fence-sitting, weakness, or even disloyalty.

This pressure exists not only in global conflicts like Israel and Palestine, but also in everyday relationships and even therapy. People want certainty, and when they don’t get it, frustration or confusion often follows.

The Strength of Non-Rigid Thinking

But here’s the thing: being open to holding multiple truths at once, being curious rather than judgmental, and embracing uncertainty, that’s not weakness. It’s strength.

As a therapist, I would be terrible at my job if I allowed myself to be so polarized that I lost sight of my clients’ full humanity. Holding space for complexity allows me to meet people where they truly are, not where any side demands they be.

This kind of thinking takes courage, courage to sit with discomfort and resist rushing to judgment. It opens space for healing, connection, and deeper understanding.

How Rigid Thinking Shows Up in OCD, Neurodiversity, and Eating Disorders

Rigid thinking isn’t just something that affects how we navigate big social or political issues, it’s also a core experience for many people struggling with mental health challenges like OCD, neurodivergence, and eating disorders.

In OCD, rigidity often shows up as black-and-white thinking, strict rules, or the feeling that “if I don’t do this perfectly, something terrible will happen.” This all-or-nothing mindset can create enormous distress and make life feel trapped in cycles of compulsion and fear.

For many people with neurodivergent brains, including ADHD, Autism, or other cognitive differences, flexible thinking can be both a challenge and a strength. The world often demands conformity and linear thinking, but neurodivergence invites different perspectives that don’t always fit rigid patterns. Holding space for that difference, rather than forcing neurodivergent people into rigid moulds, is crucial for their wellbeing.

In eating disorders, rigid thinking often governs food rules, body image beliefs, and self-worth. “Good” or “bad” foods, strict diets, and harsh self-judgments create a mental cage that’s hard to escape. Recovery often involves learning to soften these rigid beliefs and embrace nuance, understanding that food and body image exist on a spectrum, not in extremes.

In all these areas, rigid thinking can feel like a safety net, a way to reduce uncertainty or anxiety, but it also limits freedom, growth, and healing.

That’s why learning to tolerate uncertainty, hold multiple truths, and practice curiosity isn’t just a philosophical idea for me, it’s a therapeutic lifeline. It’s a way to gently challenge these patterns and create space for healing and complexity.

The Challenges of Holding Space for Complexity

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’ve often been misunderstood as indecisive or avoiding conflict because I refuse to take rigid sides. It can be lonely and draining to hold complexity while others want quick answers.

Protecting your boundaries and integrity in these moments takes emotional energy. But gently staying true to this stance can actually deepen relationships by inviting empathy rather than fueling division.

How This Can Help You

If you struggle with the pressure to pick a side, know you’re not alone. Embracing nuance and compassion can reduce conflict and create more meaningful connections.

Some tips for navigating this pressure:

• Practice curiosity: Ask questions to understand rather than defend.

• Set gentle boundaries: It’s okay to say, “I see truth on both sides.”

• Reflect on your values: Anchor yourself in empathy and peace.

• Allow space for discomfort: Uncertainty is part of growth.

• Hold space for others: Listen without needing to fully adopt their viewpoint.

Conclusion

Not taking sides isn’t about fear or fence-sitting. It’s a conscious choice to prioritize empathy, complexity, and healing over division.

Whether it’s in global conflicts like Israel and Palestine or the smaller battles in our lives, this way of thinking honours authenticity and compassion, and might just be the key to breaking cycles of polarization.