Lately I’ve been thinking how loud, black-and-white, and reactive everything feels online, and how much it’s seeping into real life. I see it in therapy, in relationships, in how people talk to themselves and each other. There’s this push to pick a side, be certain. No room for maybe, it depends, or I don’t know yet.
That push wears us down. And underneath it, I think there’s fear. Fear of being wrong. Of being rejected. Of being misunderstood. The internet? It feeds off that fear. It’s built for speed and certainty. Dopamine hits disguised as clarity.
So here’s what I keep circling back to: What will actually save us from all this? And… what if nothing does?
We’re still emotionally awkward with the internet. But I believe we’ll grow. We’ll learn to spot manipulation, walk away from performative certainty, and not let a hot take ruin our day.
Platforms could pivot: less outrage, more reflection. Slower, kinder, less addictive formats could become viable, and popular. People are already craving it.
In-person conversations are messy, slow, imperfect, and that's the point. You can't reduce someone to a comment feed when they're across the table. Offline connection builds resilience for shades of grey.
CBT, DBT, ACT… these are all antidotes to rigid thinking. Therapy isn’t about having the answers. It’s about learning to be with uncertainty. That skill, spread far enough, could shift culture.
There’s weariness growing: exhaustion from purity tests, culture wars, and quick certainty. I’m already seeing pockets of people choosing calm corners over chaos online and coming to places like substack (me included).
A recent preprint from MIT’s Media Lab looked at what happens when people lean too heavily on AI tools like ChatGPT. In their study:
Participants who used ChatGPT to write essays showed the lowest brain engagement, weakest memory recall, and least sense of ownership.
Those writing from their own brains showed highest neural connectivity, creativity, and satisfaction. And even switching from AI to brain-only, their brains stayed under-engaged. But people who started brain-first, then tried AI, retained stronger memory and engagement.
The researchers warn of “cognitive debt”—that tempting shortcut from AI may weaken our critical thinking and memory over time. This isn’t about dismissing AI. It’s a heads-up to use it intentionally, not to outsource our thinking and for us also to consider long term impacts of tools like this on our health.
We learn to question easy answers online.
Algorithms evolve to de-escalate, not inflame.
We value humility, curiosity, growth more than “being right.”
Therapy gets deep, because people come in less defended.
We practice together: “I see it differently, and I’m still here.”
In that world, therapy and connection flourish.
We get more rigid and defensive.
Nuance gets lost to purity.
Online battles bleed into real life.
Therapy becomes hard, because everyone’s performing.
Empathy dries up.
Everything becomes a test.
We stop seeing each other as human.
Pause before reacting, especially online.
Notice black-and-white thoughts. Then ask: What else might be true?
Spend time in spaces that welcome uncertainty and messiness.
Get offline. Sit with someone across from you, even if they disappoint.
Use AI thoughtfully: not as a crutch, but as a helper. Keep doing your own brain work.
Final thought
The internet won’t save us. Having the right opinions won’t either. What might? Repair. Presence. Curiosity. Humility. Saying, “I don’t know... let’s figure this out together.”
That’s what I’m trying to model more of, in my life, my therapy room, and this little corner of the internet.
Becky x
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.