Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten a handful of questions from readers in their teens and early 20s looking for advice on navigating the transition from teenage to early adulthood. It struck me as a great time to sit down, reflect, and consider what I’d say to someone on the brink of 20 or in the early stages of it, as someone almost on the way out (and someone who loves reading these lists).
These are some thoughts that immediately came to mind…
One of our readers, Hannah, recently said something that really stuck out to me as super relatable. She wrote, “I’m turning 20 soon and struggle with the fact that I have no idea what my life will look like in the upcoming years!”
The truth is, none of us do!
I still struggle with this sometimes. But with all the changes that have occurred in my life over the past few years, I’ve learned to accept that no two days are alike. There are too many factors at play that are out of my control. Now I truly take life day by day. I think the work is learning to be okay with not knowing exactly what will happen next. Never in a million years would my 20-year-old self have thought that this was where I’d be at almost 30. Life will surprise you.
This is so much easier said than done, and I feel like I’m only just now in a place where I can confidently feel it, but there is nothing like being completely present with yourself. My 20s have absolutely included listening a little too closely to the wrong advice from the wrong people and taking things too personally. But if I had only learned to be present with myself sooner, I would’ve had an easier time prioritizing what’s in front of me, letting things roll off my shoulders, and trusting my instincts, which have always been really strong.
Stepping into your 20s is all about finding that voice, knowing that you can walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you at any time. Everything is temporary. Or it can be. Even going away to college — and I didn’t go, so I probably can’t speak to this experience so accurately — but it’s four years. Sometimes it’s two. Sometimes it’s more. Whatever it is, you get to go, then come back home or move forward to whatever you plan after that. There’s no wrong choice if you’re moving, advocating for yourself as you go, and learning something along the way.
With age, you get more confident. You become more secure. You find the people who you feel are worth your time. It’s a process, so don’t put pressure on yourself to feel like your feet are fully on the ground at all times. They’ll be off the ground sometimes — you’ll feel overwhelmed or unsure — and that’s okay. I only started figuring these things out in my 20s. And as I’ve gone on, I’ve realized that the feelings of overwhelm or uncertainty don’t just magically disappear with age. The “supposed tos” and the impulse to put other people’s needs before your own still very much exist. You just get better at managing them. And now, I feel like in my 30s, I can cruise a little more.
I learned plenty of lessons the hard way. There were decisions I knew deep down in my gut didn’t feel right. But I wouldn’t change them. In fact, I feel so grateful for them because I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am today any other way.
So when I think back on my 20-year-old self, what would I tell her? You’re actually doing it all right. Everything might feel wrong, but you’re doing it right because you’re going through it. And as everyone says, it does get so much better.
A few other quick things to remember:
Take the risk.
The best things happen without plans.
Trust that people are kind and things will work out.
Try something that sounds fun, even if you’re bad at it.
Share praise before criticism.
Be vulnerable.
That’s what’s top of mind for me, but I’m curious, what’s the biggest lesson you learned going through your 20s? Share your wisdom in the comments!
Now onto some of this week’s BS…
TO READ: The Power of Noticing. I love this piece by designer Kelly Wearstler.
TO PACK: It’s beach season! To prepare, I went to Business & Pleasure in Malibu and was wowed by this big beach umbrella and these towels. I’ve pulled together more of my beach-day favorites in a big beach edit. Enjoy!
TO MAKE: Easy chicken tacos. Next on my list.
TO TAKE WITH YOU: “You don’t have to be fearless. Doing it afraid is brave.” -Susan Jeffers
Love,
Hailee
(Beau)
Highlighting your comments on the previous week’s issue. Today, Bria’s response to A letter to my daughter…
genuinely think this ‘writing future letters to daughters’ should become a trend! Welcome to our little beau society community, Harper Haize!! 🤍 -Bria (MBS)
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