Imagine a scenario so alarming, it shatters your idea of what “safe at home” really means: your child is arrested for murder, and you suddenly realise all the little cracks in your parenting you never knew were there. That’s the jolt Netflix’s Adolescence delivers—a tense British crime drama that goes beyond the shock factor to expose how silent anger, unchecked assumptions, and online influences can devastate even the most “ordinary” family.
It’s uncomfortable, raw, and oddly enlightening. Why? Because if we’re willing to see it as a pre-mortem rather than just entertainment, Adolescence becomes a blueprint for preventing tragedy in our own lives before it strikes.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you could see all the potential pitfalls in your parenting before they happened, so you could steer clear of heartbreak down the road? That’s the idea behind a pre-mortem: thinking through worst-case scenarios now, rather than beating yourself up afterwards in a post-mortem.
We can think of it as just a TV drama but Adolescence offers something more—a gripping, often painful glimpse of how well-intentioned dads can still end up missing vital cues in their children’s lives.
The show zeroes in on 13-year-old Jamie Miller (The excellent Owen Cooper in his first acting role ever), arrested on suspicion of murdering a classmate. But as the episodes unfold, it’s not just Jamie’s story we’re drawn into—it’s the struggle of his dad, Eddie and mum Manda (portrayed by Stephen Graham and Christine Tremarco). Eddie’s no monster; he’s not physically abusive like his own father was. He works long hours, aims to provide, and even tries to connect with Jamie through sports. But lurking beneath the surface is an unchecked anger, emotional distance, and a harmful assumption that “if my son’s at home, he’s safe.” The result? A devastating family crisis most of us hope we’ll never experience—and yet, it highlights warning signs we can’t afford to ignore.
This show can be an incredible pre-mortem for your own fatherhood journey. By seeing Adolescence as more than a crime drama—by allowing it to challenge the way we think about respect, emotional availability, and the influences shaping our kids—we can make changes now before small rifts turn into giant divides.
On the surface, Adolescence is a tense British crime drama, shot in a single continuous take that makes each episode feel claustrophobic and immediate. But beneath the surface, it’s about so much more: modern masculinity, father-child communication, the power of silent anger, and how social media (including influencers like Andrew Tate) can slowly twist a teenager’s worldview.
Most of us dads want to be “good” parents, or at least “better than our own dads.” Adolescence forces us to ask: Is that enough? What if our kids need more than simply an absence of violence? What if they need proactive conversations about relationships and emotions—topics we ourselves might have never learned to navigate?
In a world where peers and online platforms can shape our children in ways we never experienced, we need new tools, new self-awareness, and new strategies. Watching Adolescence can spark that uncomfortable but vital self-reflection: Am I showing up emotionally for my child, or just ticking the ‘provider’ box?
Jamie sums up Eddie’s anger perfectly: Yes, Dad’s not violent—but that doesn’t mean he’s calm. He recalls one day Eddie tore down a shed in a rage. That memory clearly stuck with Jamie, shaping his view of his dad as someone who “gets angry,” even if it’s not directed at him or his mum in a physically abusive way.
Reflection: Do we underestimate the impact our tempers have on our kids, simply because we’re “not hitting them”? Anger doesn’t always need a target to be frightening—it just needs to be felt, and children absorb it like a sponge.
Eddie hopes football (and later boxing) will “toughen up” Jamie—but Jamie clearly isn’t wired for that. He fails in front of other dads; Eddie, embarrassed, can’t even look at his son. Jamie feels worthless, like he’s “no good at anything.” A lighthearted hobby becomes a source of shame.
Reflection: How often do our kids see disappointment in our eyes, even when we think we’re hiding it? Adolescence reminds us that, for children, facial expressions, sighs, or simple avoidance can feel like a loud siren of judgement.
By Episode 3, Jamie’s own anger boils over, eerily echoing Eddie’s earlier outburst. That’s not surprising—kids often learn emotional coping (or lack thereof) from us. Even if Eddie “never laid a finger” on Jamie, the destructive power of unregulated anger can be just as influential.
Reflection: Co-writer Jack Thorne explained, “Really, what it’s about is looking at male rage and looking at our own anger and looking at who we are as men…we all have a relationship with anger.” Are we modelling healthy ways to handle frustration, or simply bottling it until it explodes?
Eddie and his wife believed Jamie was safe at home, in his room. But the show highlights a scary truth: kids don’t need to be out on the streets at all hours to find trouble or harmful influences—those can arrive via smartphones, gaming platforms, or social media. When we fail to engage in real conversations about internet culture, extremist views, or misogynistic influencers like Andrew Tate, we leave our children vulnerable to shaping their identity in silence.
Reflection: Fear-based parenting—banning apps or scaring kids with worst-case scenarios—might push them underground. Instead, open, curious dialogue (“What do you like about that influencer? What do they talk about?”) can encourage them to share more, giving us a chance to provide guidance.
In Episode 4, we watch Eddie’s wife step carefully around his anger when his van is vandalised, effectively walking on eggshells to avoid provoking him. That dynamic—where Dad’s outbursts dictate the emotional climate—teaches children a subtle lesson: Mum’s opinions come second. She has to placate Dad, keep him calm, so the house doesn’t explode.
Reflection: How do your kids see you treating your partner? Do they learn that women’s voices deserve respect, or do they see Dad shutting Mum down? Even if you’re not consciously thinking, “I’m disrespecting her,” those everyday interactions shape a child’s sense of equality and empathy.
Eddie wrestles openly with the fact that he avoided repeating his father’s overt abuse—no belts, no hitting—but still fell short. He realises he insulated himself from guilt by saying, “Hey, I’m better than my old man.” Yet the tragedy unfolding around Jamie forces him to ask if that yardstick is high enough.
Reflection: Is it enough to avoid the extremes, or do we need to proactively learn new emotional and communicative skills that our own fathers never taught us?
In the aftermath, Eddie and his wife agonise over missed signs: Were we too busy? Did we lean too heavily on technology as a babysitter? Did we fail to notice his growing anger? Their conversations highlight the painful truth: once a crisis hits, it’s easy to see all the gaps in hindsight.
Reflection: This is where a pre-mortem mindset saves us. Think: If everything went wrong tomorrow, what would I look back on and wish I’d done differently today? That question can be a powerful motivator to adjust your parenting approach now.
Run Your Own Fatherhood Pre-Mortem
Set aside time to imagine potential flashpoints—issues like poor communication, unaddressed anger, or unmonitored online influences. Ask: If my child were to get into serious trouble, what would I likely have overlooked?
Talk, Don’t Just Track
Checking screen time or limiting phone use is one thing; asking genuinely about their favourite YouTubers or what’s happening in their group chats is another. This shows interest rather than mere control, making it more likely they’ll open up.
Embrace Their Interests
Eddie found Jamie’s love of drawing only after realising sports weren’t his thing. Avoid letting your personal preferences overshadow your child’s passions. Encourage them to explore what lights them up—even if it’s not a classic “toughen up” activity.
Model Healthy Anger Management
If frustration flares, say, “I need a minute to calm down. I’ll be right back.” That simple act shows kids anger isn’t shameful—it’s just an emotion we can handle without hurting others or destroying things.
Show Respect to Mum
Whether you’re married, co-parenting, or separated, your children are always observing how you treat their mother. If you disagree, do it respectfully. Let your kids see that you value her perspective. It shapes how they’ll treat women—and how they’ll expect women to be treated.
Seek Support and Community
Fatherhood can be isolating if you’re trying to do it all alone. Reach out to other dads, join groups (online or in-person), and share experiences. Sometimes hearing another dad’s story helps us notice blind spots in our own.
This show is the best thing I’ve watched this year and I highly recommend it. Add it to your watchlist, you won’t be disappointed.
If Adolescence sparks that sense of “Wow, I need to re-evaluate how I’m parenting,” you’re not alone. In my coaching programme, we focus on:
Emotional Availability: Learning how to be truly present, not just physically in the room.
Positive Discipline & Communication: Moving away from fear-based tactics to open, empathetic conversations.
Handling Anger & Conflict: Unpacking how we were raised so we can break generational cycles of bottled-up rage.
Building a Supportive Network: Connecting with other dads who get it, so no one’s left struggling in silence.
It’s about being proactive, not reactive. Think of it as doing your own “fatherhood pre-mortem,” so you don’t have to face a crisis unprepared.
If any of this resonates, I’d love to know your thoughts. What moments in Adolescence struck a chord? Did you notice nuances I haven’t mentioned yet? How are you handling the challenges of social media, modern masculinity, or bridging that emotional gap at home?
Drop a comment, send a message, or share this post with another dad who might benefit from looking at parenting through a more reflective lens. By swapping stories and insights, we strengthen each other and, hopefully, safeguard our kids from the darker corners of today’s world.
We can’t shield our children from every danger, nor can we magically fix society’s flaws. But we can examine our own anger, foster emotional security, and model respect—especially toward the women in our lives. And if Adolescence teaches us anything, it’s that doing this sooner rather than later might just stop a small fracture from becoming a massive rupture.
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