learning feels like

It’s incredible to feel your brain rewire itself. I use the word rewire, but it’s probably, like, new neural connections forming when you learn something new – or something like that. (I dunno, ask a neurologist. I’m just some guy.)

I have this (probably misguided) belief that most of what’s wrong with the world today is due to the natural human inclination to avoid being perceived as wrong about anything, the subsequent doubling down, and the harm that doubling down creates when being wrong is often a good thing, because it means we’re learning something new, and learning should be celebrated—

(inhale! long sentence!)

—and learning something new, for me, feels like: picking up the banjo (not often enough) and trying to learn a new chord and failing over and over but then in a moment of distraction just nailing it by accident. It feels like having a strong opinion about something but forcing myself to consider other opinions and finding myself understanding how people get to wherever they get, even if I know I’ll never get there. It feels like realizing how awkward I am midsentence during a social interaction but telling myself “who the fuck cares, there are demonstrably smart and interesting people who continue to seek out your company so it’s probably not as bad as you think”. It feels like doing your daily 10 minute meditation and suddenly finding it a little easier to notice thoughts instead of be carried by them. It feels like integrating new information about someone and replaying your past interactions through a new lens and sensing that metaphorical cartoon lightbulb PING! above your head. It feels like looking back at your own mistakes with empathy for your past self and a what-I’d-do-differently-next-time attitude instead of shame or regret. It feels like figuring out that your habit of getting into cold bodies of water isn’t because it’s good for you but because of how fucking alive you feel when you do it. It feels like turning off the trail/path/main road to investigate a flower/bird/potential view despite running late, noticing that you’ve stopped squashing your childlike curiosity. It feels like finally accepting that AI will eventually take your job and – despite the world not figuring its shit out the way you were promised – being okay with an unknown future. It feels like when you finally notice you’re acting more and more like the person you used to wish you were, the person you knew was inside of you all along. It feels like more radical acceptance and less despair. It feels like finally feeling rain fall on your bare scalp for the first time in your entire life, laughing, marveling at the new sensation, and looking over at your partner, who’s smiling at you – and wanting to permanently encode this moment in your brain, because it’s perfect.