Go Softer

by Mark T. Collins

“When life gets hard, go softer.”

I read this in Tish Harrison Warren’s new book. And it came at just the right moment in my life.

This summer I took a group of youth and students to Portland, Oregon. It was a busy trip with lots of moving parts. On those trips, my brain goes in one thousand and six different directions. Schedules, transportation, lunch, does everyone have the right clothes, the right shoes (and the left shoes too!). But, this was a bit of a centering quote for me. And it has been for the rest of the summer. I took it to mean that when life gets difficult or when things come up that you think you cannot handle, lean into those things that cause you to slow down and trust the Lord. Most importantly, lean into the Lord. Take a deep breath and fight for the things that are good for your mind, body, and soul.

Let me back up a little bit. If we haven’t met, my name is Mark. I attempt to write children’s books and poetry and novels when I can. A huge thanks to Bandersnatch Books for seeing the potential in When Going on a Dragon Hunt and a few of my poems for I’ve Got a Bad Case of Poetry. The other things I’ve written and illustrated will hopefully come to life one day, too. Like I said, I write when I can. At other times, I am a youth pastor. I have been for a little over twenty years. Summer time for a youth pastor can be quite a busy time. Each week of the summer seems to be filled with something—Vacation Bible School, Mission Trip, Summer Bible Studies, Summer Camp, and more. You are always preparing or leading one of these things.

For many, summer is a time to catch up on things, go on vacation, or visit with friends. For me, it is one of the busiest times of the year. And, busy times never bode well for reading, being creative, or spending time with my family.

This year, as our youth were out in Portland, I woke up early each morning. I have learned I have to do this to get ready for the day. I go over the schedule. Try to prepare for what may lie ahead. I have to do this so everything can go as smoothly as possible. If you have ever been on a trip with teenagers (or anyone for that matter) you know that things don’t go smoothly. But, that doesn’t mean you don’t try.

In the past, these morning times were crammed with overthinking and overplanning. This year, I brought along a few books with me. The first was What Grows in Weary Lands by Tish Harrison Warren. It is a book on Christian resilience. And, the second was Elf Dog and Owl Head by M. T. Anderson. It is a book about a boy who finds a magic dog in the woods. They are drastically different in tone, genre, and content if you could not tell by the titles.

Here is where I am going with this: in the morning when I would get up before everyone else, I would read my Bible. I read Warren’s book for about fifteen or twenty minutes and then I read Anderson’s book for about fifteen or twenty minutes. I also wrote down some of the things that went on the previous day. After I did this, I was able to think clearly as I ran through the schedule for the day ahead of us. I did not feel rushed or pressured for some reason. My time to focus on the day’s work ahead was a little bit less than normal, so I had to focus. No distractions were allowed during this time. But, I know it was the intentional time reading the Bible, journaling, and reading books that I enjoyed that helped me focus. I am still wondering how doing more things helped me to focus on what I needed. It’s a mystery I am still trying to unravel.

As the mission trip days got hard, I went softer. I fought for the time to read. The reading was not out of duty, but for enjoyment. It was not a lot, but it did help me to slow down. It helped me to breathe. I finished Warren’s book during the week. And, I think I finished Anderson’s book on the plane ride home or shortly after we got home.

As I write this, I look at the calendar and I realize that my kids have two weeks before they are back in school. Things get harder as school gets back in session. Not as hard as some people’s lives and trials, but harder for us nonetheless.

As this school year approaches, I am going to need to remember this quote. “When life gets hard, go soft.” When the practice schedule seems to drown out family time, I must choose the soft things like reading the Bible and journaling at the end of the day. When schoolwork takes away from reading for fun and creative endeavors, I must remember to fight for the softer times by reading books with my family and reading books by myself. I need some more recommendations that fall in the same categories as books with magic dogs and books about the Christian faith. I must protect the soft times of putting on some music and dancing in the living room or making crayon drawings with the hand I don’t normally use.

You are going to need to find your soft things. What do you enjoy? What is easy to focus on? What things make you laugh and enjoy time with people you love? I am sure you have them. Hold on to them. Fight for them. And remember when life gets hard—and believe me it will get hard—go soft.

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“You can’t fill up when you’re holding your breath. And writing is about filling up, filling up when you are empty, letting images and ideas and smells run down like water--just as writing is also about dealing with the emptiness.”

–Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird