A personal broadcast of my thoughts...
He decides to write about his current situation. He writes about it in third person hoping it doesn’t sound as bad. He has no one to call up in the evenings. No one to say “want to go out?” to. No one to look to and feel a sense of joy. Him spending all his days alone has become the norm. He is an outsider to the concept of someone saving him a seat. He looks at people sitting in the warm glow of…
A Third Friend is someone who is not in the primary circle. They are not the first or second choice, but a situational choice. What does it feel like? It is to sit across your "friend" and listen to them talk on the phone and tell others their plans for the week, when all you had got was "nothing much" when you had asked them the same thing. Have an issue that cannot be solved by your immediate…
I am not lonely because I am unloved. I want to be clear about that. My parents, my close friends, I can see the love, I am grateful for it. This isn't about that. This is about the love I have to give, and nowhere to put it. I've tried talking about it. With the close ones. They listen, they get it but they don't feel the weight of it. How could they? There's a text I have written and deleted…
You are not one, you are many. The many that make up your gut, your blood and most importantly your army.. err... i mean your immune system. The Immune system is a complex thing(s) so it can be hard to think of but ever since I watched Kurzgesagt's videos on fever and the immune system, my point of view has changed. It was the first time I started to think of the immune system as a thing rather…
Often I find myself searching about how other people use the tools I use. Everyone has a slightly different config and I almost always come out learning something new. But it's not really about the tools. I am more interested in the person. How they found it, and why they chose to keep it. What fascinates me is how a tool that comes with its own defaults gets shaped to fit someone's life. The…
Often I write messages to the people I am close to, but just before I send the message doubt creeps in. A doubt born out of past disappointment. What will the person on the other end say? "Well, that sucks :((" or "That's not a good place to be in" The reactions aren't wrong. But they are not right either. I don't know what the right reply is either. Those replies just feel generic and feel like…
(written in the morning, published later) 06:09 - GOOD MORNING! Sleep broke around 4:30 and I have not been able to go back to sleep since. I don't know why. I had water and I had more water. But that wasn't it. I opened the window and it was the same case. So I don't know why I woke up but I have been awake since. I have been thinking about this since yesterday, about this identity collapse…
All my life, teachers and mentors have always told me that I had 'potential' and could achieve more if I applied myself. I don't know where that potential is. Every exam or test I'd study the day before and get a score of 70%. "Hey for not much preparation, that is good! If I studied more I could have gotten more" - this was a routine. If I could do so well with such bare minimum effort, imagine…