SAN FRANCISCO — Within hours of the latest wave of AI-driven tech layoffs, no fewer than 14 certified transformational coaches, 3 somatic breathwork guides, and 1 man who described himself as a ‘liminal space architect’ had taken up positions throughout a popular SoMa coffee shop, sources confirmed.
“I’m not here to sell anything,” said Andrew, 36, who was absolutely there to sell something, a small notebook with ‘INTEGRATION’ written on the cover in his own handwriting open on the table, as he made eye contact with a woman visibly crying into a severance letter. “I just felt called to this space today.”
Nearby, Jaco — who recently pivoted from growth hacking to “soul hacking” after a “super profound 50-day Vipassana” — was overheard offering complimentary Human Design readings to anyone who had just lost their benefits.
“The system is collapsing,” Jaco explained, gesturing broadly at the Salesforce tower, at San Francisco, and apparently at consensus reality itself. “And I’m here to help people understand that this moment of profound disruption is actually a doorway to wholeness.”
The doorway, it emerged, cost $11,111 for a 12-week package. A reasonable price point, he noted, for someone standing at the threshold of their truest self.
By mid-morning, a small ecosystem had developed. A woman offering “AI grief ceremonies” had claimed the cafe’s window seat. A former VP of Product who completed a coaching certification over the previous long weekend was distributing business cards that read Executive Wayfinding Strategist in a tasteful serif font. Two men in linen shirts were engaged in what appeared to be a territorial dispute over a cluster of recently-laid-off engineers.
“Brother. There’s enough disruption for everyone,” one of them intoned, with the unblinking serenity of a man who had done a lot of work on himself and wanted you to know it.
At least three had already announced a complimentary webinar. A fourth was vibe coding a course teaching coaches how to fill theirs.
By afternoon, the lobby had taken on a vaguely festival-like atmosphere. Someone had produced a singing bowl. It had been in the car, apparently, just in case.
Two blocks away, a parallel encampment had formed outside Anthropic’s offices, whose IPO was just weeks away. A cast of muralists, documentary filmmakers, and nonprofit development directors had arrived early and brought snacks.
“The arts have always needed patrons,” said Maya, 31, with the energy of someone who had just discovered this fact and was working through its implications in real time, before darting off towards a group of Arc'teryx-vest wearing employees like a hummingbird to a flower.
At one point, a linen-shirted wilderness guide from Marin made brief eye contact with a development director clutching a folder labeled Regenerative Futures: A Proposal. Neither spoke. Both nodded — the brief, collegial acknowledgment of professionals who had, in some sense, always been colleagues.
Written with an AI collaborator who also, technically, offers support during times of transition.
Thanks for reading. We want to be clear: we wrote this satirical piece with compassion for everyone going through great change in this moment. Job loss can be extremely hard, especially in these strange and uncertain times. We don't take any of that lightly. We want to help.
If you or someone you know is going through a major career or life transition, we (Andrew Dunn and Jaco Cohen) are two humans who have been through a lot of transition ourselves. Professions, homes, communities and more.
We would love to be the kind of support for others that we wish we’d had when we needed it.
We are familiar with how disorienting these thresholds can be. Whether you’re working with difficult emotions from job loss, feeling inspired to take that sabbatical, or yearning to cultivate a livelihood more aligned with your gifts and values — we and our diverse network of practitioners have got you.
In a couple of weeks we’re hosting a Wayfinding Circle to create space for people navigating career and life transition. This 75-minute facilitated gathering will include grounding exercises, reflective prompts, and honest small-group conversation.
We hope you will consider us a wayfinding resource along your path.
Warmly,
Andrew & Jaco
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