short list(s) for the last 5 years

Loomed large…

COVID-19.

K’s death.

Blood clots and a stent in my body.

Writing these letters.

Wanting to die.

First fiction publication.

First book.

Leaving teaching.

Kissing J in a photo booth.

Making a house into a home.

Wanting to live.

Marrying J while the house burned down.

Getting a new puppy.

Trying and Trying and Trying.

Moving back into the house.

Undergoing IVF.

A positive pregnancy test.

Counting baby kicks.

**

Not heard…

Slappity-shuffle-slide of his insulated slippers against the apartment’s carpet.

Muffled-thud of his electric piano’s keyboard as he played.

His best name for me.

Taylor Swift.

Rustle of his markers against the tracing paper.

His morning sniffs.

**

Learned in therapy…

The freedom of forgiveness.

How to accept help.

To listen first.

To cry.

To say the hard thing softly.

To continue, against the odds.

To say Maybe.

**

Came to believe…

Acknowledge loss.

Tenderness > > >

Write anyway.

Ask for help.

Acknowledge joy.

Forward is a pace.

Time is the only luxury.

**

Taking forward…

Grace.

You.

Thes…

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