Trying to Get the Feeling Again

Dear Isabel,

I used to be religious, but I stopped believing, and so I stopped going to services. I felt like a hypocrite singing all those songs that no longer meant anything to me. I think it was the right thing to do. But I haven’t found anything since then that makes me feel as connected to other people or, really, that makes me feel so alive. I miss having that sense of spiritual conviction. I know that faking it won’t make me feel better. But I just feel like I am missing something, and I don’t know how to get it again. Do you think I should start going to church again?

Hooked on a Feeling

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Dear Hooked,

It’s possible that you could go to church and sing the songs and enjoy being with the people while knowing that you don’t believe all the things the group is saying. It’s a good bet you won’t be the only person there who’s in that situation.

But since you’ve identified what you’re missing as a sense of spiritual conviction, it might work better for you to keep looking for what does fill you with conviction nowadays. You stopped believing in what your church believed in. Was there something you did believe in that drew you towards that new thing?

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Or are you still in the in-between: you know what you don’t believe in, but you haven’t found what you do believe in? In that case, some exploration might be in order. Keep in mind that belief might not be the best category. You might be looking, instead, for what matters most to you; what you value; what gives you a sense of meaning and purpose; what fills you with awe and wonder; what makes you feel most intensely alive or most connected to the universe.

Is anything coming to mind as you read those words?

If not, I suggest going about your life, following interests, and noticing when something sparks. It could be very ordinary: listening to a street musician, or appreciating a flower, or reading about a particular social problem and feeling an urge to do something about it, or being with a certain group of people. Follow the spark and see where it leads you.

You have described a wish to live with the kind of intensity that you did when you believed what you sang in church. I hope you’ll honor that wish, and I hope you find that intensity again.

Wishing you well,

Isabel

Next week: With human beings bent on destroying so much that’s beautiful about our planet, she’s feeling as if life has little point.