Welcome to Motherf*cked: The Emotional Support Newsletter

Every time I start to draft up something related to my book, including the book itself, I feel like I’ve never written a sentence in my life. Still, here I am writing a newsletter for people who have dysfunctional relationships with their moms—or any primary caregiver, really.

The biggest reason I’m out here is that I want you to see yourself in my experiences and the ones I write about and find support through my research on shitty relationships with our moms.

The other is that I’m also a professional book saleswoman now, and I’d love for you to get more of where this came from by pre-ordering my book Motherf*cked: How to Keep Your Mom’s Toxic Drama From Ruining Your Life.

Like this newsletter, my book is based in psychological research on attachment theory and grief, interviews with licensed mental health pros, and some of my own experiences, which are sprinkled in for ~relatability~.

Why me, this book, and this newsletter right now? Respectfully, why the fuck not? I’ve spent most of my life feeling weird about my relationship with my mom and spiraling about what others would think about those feelings. So, I feel equipped to say that not calling out this very real, very stigmatized situation has gone on too long. I’m so over it.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I promise neither this newsletter nor my book is a takedown of momkind. Moms are people—and people are really flawed. However, when those flaws make us, the spawn, feel unloved, the result is more anxious, sad, stressed, depressed humans, which sucks. But that shit stops here.

Here’s what I’ve got planned for us:

• HELP YOURSELF: Links to helpful things out in the world (podcasts, books, articles, and more)

• THE FREEBIE: A sample-sized taste of the good stuff in my book

• THE OVERSHARE: The sometimes paywalled (if spicy) space for me to say too much

• YOUR MOM: A series clocking real relationships people have with their moms and the real feelings they have about them. (Share yours here.)

• SHIT MY MOM SAID: Quotes from your mom that are as unhinged as they are hilarious. (Emotional immaturity and a lack of self-awareness can be funny. Let’s laugh.) Send yours here.

Once I got honest about how my maternal bond made me feel, the way it drop-kicked my life, and that it unfortunately was not going to change, I began moving forward.

Acknowledging that my mom didn’t make me feel good enabled me to process the big emotions that came from that reality. That meant grieving the mother I’ll never have and accepting who she is. From there, I could make choices that made sense for me. I set some damn boundaries (and unset them and set them again) and began feeling better. For the first time in my life, I put my emotions ahead of my mom’s, and I’ve never felt better.

I love that montage for us. The unedited version, though, is about six years long, from the time I started therapy to the time I decided to go low-contact with the woman who birthed me. Maybe eight years, if you include the time it took to write this book and get comfortable talking publicly about it. That last bit is still happening in real time. Please enjoy the show.

I’ve spent most of my life feeling weird about my relationship with my mom and spiraling about what others would think about those feelings. So, I feel equipped to say that not calling out this very real, very stigmatized situation has gone on too long. I’m so over it.

For those who are into this but remain skeptical that their maternal situation is applicable to my content, I see you.

Based on hours of interviews, months of research, and years of conversations with friends and strangers about their moms, I promise there’s helpful shit for me to share with you.

For example, understanding why moms matter so much, where those relationships can go wrong, and the way that impacts us can shift how you see Mother and the unwieldy role society has assigned to them. And truly everyone could benefit from lessons in accepting our moms as they are right now. Oh! Also boundaries. Turns out we all need boundaries with our moms. Even the best mom-child dynamics need guardrails. Actually, the healthiest ones already have them in place…the more you know.

If your mom is a gem but has shifted to the other side of your political stance and that fact secretly destroys you, join me! If your mom is literally one of the kindest, most selfless souls out there, except when she judges what you eat and the shape of your bod, I welcome thee.

I think that pretty much covers it. I’m sweating, but I think we’re ready to do this. Shall we?

Keeping the comments unpaid in this club. I’m open to content requests! Chime in if that’s your thing or DM if you like.