Everyone dies. And yet most of us have no idea what dying actually looks like — because we’ve been shielded from it, and because everything we’ve seen on screen is wrong.
Jade Adgate is a death doula, educator, and founder of Farewell Fellowship in Middle Tennessee. She’s spent years walking alongside families at end of life — not as a tour guide, but as a fellow traveler — and she’s on a mission to normalize the experience of death so that fewer people have to face it completely unprepared.
In this conversation, Ashley and Jade cover a lot of ground: the real dying process versus what we expect it to be, how we live is how we die, the role of control in caregiving, what those extended months of treatment are actually buying us, and what it looks like to bring sacredness back to the end of life — even when it’s messy and ordinary and nothing like the movies.
In This Episode
How Jade got into death doula work- from Hurricane Katrina, to moving in with her great-aunt Sis, to hospice volunteering
The parallel between parenting teenagers and supporting families at end of life, both require learning to hold while letting go
How death became less ordinary and why that’s a tragedy
The idea that modern medicine has learned to extend dying, not just life
Quality versus quantity: what people think they’re buying with treatment versus what they’re actually getting
Roxanne: the client who tried to control every detail of her own death, and what Jade learned from her
Adeline: a pediatric client who died just before her fifth birthday, and the home funeral that gave her family something different
Why 90% of people end up in a hospital bed at end of life and why that matters to know
What actually happens in the hours after someone dies and why slowing down is the most important thing a death doula does
The gap between the Forrest Gump death scene and reality
How Jade protects herself in this work as a self-described recovering codependent eldest daughter
The future of death doula work, bringing these tools into communities and families who can’t access a professional
Quotes From This Episode
“How we live is how we die. Who we are is who we are when we’re dying.”
— Jade Adgate
“If we are going to buy more time, can we know at the beginning that this is the time we’re buying? It starts right now — instead of we’re going to do all these treatments and then start our time when you’re feeling better.”
— Jade Adgate
“Death is the teacher. As much as I think I might know, it is totally different for every single person.”
— Jade Adgate
“This is not wisdom that needs a gatekeeper. This is all of our collective wisdom.”
— Jade Adgate
“There are no monsters around corners if you know where all the corners are.”
— Ashley Blackington
Resources & Links
Farewell Fellowship (in-person doula services, education & library): farewellfellowship.com
Instagram: Farewell Library
Book referenced: Gone From My Sight — Barbara Carnes
Show referenced: Dying for Sex (Hulu)
Connect with Ashley:
Website: https://www.ashleyblackington.com
Podcast website: https://www.andbothpodcast.com/
Dovetail® App: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/dovetail-app/id6744341822
Instagram: @mydovetail.app
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