My friend Elise recently shared a reader Q+A in her newsletter, “What do you choose not to prioritize?” The question itself sparked a resonance in our Book Club text thread, and also reminded me of Shauna Niequist’s chapter “Things I Don’t Do” in her book Bittersweet. I think it’s safe to say that leaning in and doing it all aren’t passing the vibe check in 2025.
With that in mind, here’s a little off-the-top-of-my-head list of what I’m *not* prioritizing right now. Or, put another way …
Make my bed every day. Look, I love a tidy house and can even be a bit Monica Geller-esque during a certain time of the month, but this is one area of my life and routine I have never cared about. I make the bed roughly twice a month, usually when we have people over.
Work out at home. Number of YouTube workout channels I subscribe to: six. Number of workout videos I have actually watched: zero. I truly aspire to be the kind of person who lifts weights in her living room, but alas, I am not.
Self-checkout. Even when I only have three items, I opt for the cashier check-out. Why? I don’t know. With AI rapidly eroding all means of friction and human connection, I suppose it is one small way I am fighting for humanity.
Meal plan. Every day at 5pm my children ask what’s for dinner and I am forced to figure out, in real time, what we are eating. Why am I like this?
Flake on my friends. Hot take: all those memes about canceling plans really bum me out. You will never hear me claim to be a perfect friend, but I believe anyone who knows me would say I am a consistent friend: the friend who initiates, the friend who says yes, the friend who shows up. If I’m not puking, running a fever, or otherwise facing some kind of emergency, I’ll be there if I said I would be there.
Get my nails done. I feel like I woke up in 2025 and practically every woman around me had perfect, salon-quality nails. The Starbucks barista. The TSA agent. Every middle school girl in my neighborhood. What gives? True story: I think I have gotten my nails done professionally twice in my entire life (once for my wedding and once for a vacation). Both times, I didn’t love it and felt like my nails were worse for the wear after. I am team DIY manicure or bust.
Botox. Never say never! Not a judgment in the slightest! But I don’t do Botox or fillers and never have. Lest you think I am somehow less vain than my barreling-toward-40 female counterparts, let me assure you I am fully dedicated to Frownies and FaceTape and go to bed every night looking like human décollage.
Hoard. I get rid of stuff like it’s my job. Nothing makes me happier than listing items in our local Buy Nothing group, dropping off an entire carload of donations, or simply cleaning out the refrigerator. Part of this stems from the fact that we live in a very very small house with little to no storage, but the other truth is: physical clutter gives me a great deal of anxiety. I turn into a monster when there is too much stuff in my house, so keeping the possessions to a minimum is one way I take care of myself and my mind.1
Volunteer to be Room Mom. I am wildly thankful for the mothers at our school who consistently organize class parties and teacher gifts, but this, admittedly, is not my lane. Send money via Venmo? Absolutely. Bring paper plates for the Halloween party? I’ve got you. (But that’s about all I’m good for.)2
Set an alarm. I spent many years getting up at the crack of dawn to read and write before my children woke up. It’s literally how I wrote this book. These days though, I am prioritizing sleep like it’s my full-time job. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve set an alarm this year (two early flights and two blood draws, that’s it).
Seasonally decorate (besides Christmas). If you have half a dozen bins in your garage for Valentine’s Day, Halloween, Easter and the like, more power to you. I decorate for Christmas and nothing else. At the time of writing this, it’s October 29th and I haven’t even bought pumpkins yet. *Shrug*
Weigh myself. Brett and I occasionally embark upon a clean eating program—once or twice a year at most—and I MIGHT weigh myself at the start and/or end. That aside, I do not weigh myself, ever. It’s taken many years to have a healthy relationship with my body (something I am still working on!) and for me, relying on how I feel is a far better metric for my general health than an arbitrary number on the scale.
My kids’ laundry. Well, two out of three I should say (Presley still needs some help!). I did not realize we were outliers in this until a few recent conversations came up with both my kids’ friends and fellow parents. I can’t even remember when I taught my boys how to do their own laundry but it was several years ago. I kid you not, I haven’t touched a dirty sock since pre-Covid. Worth noting: I also do not go into their bedrooms and refold their not-perfectly-folded clothes. My kids wearing wrinkled t-shirts is not a thing I care about in the year of our Lord 2025.
Listen to audiobooks. What can I say, I am a paper gal! I listen to maybe two audiobooks a year, almost always memoir read by the author. For some reason when I listen to books, I tune out almost immediately. I focus better with a book in my hand.
Buy everything new. I check Facebook Marketplace far more often than I check Instagram, and cannot tell you how many gems I’ve collected over the years. Designer jeans! Furniture! Art! Scooters for my kids! Shopping secondhand is usually my first choice for most things.
I’m sure I could keep going but I’ll cut myself off there.
Question for the comments section: What are three things you don’t do?
I’ve been in a bit of a reading slump, but I flew through Heart the Lover. Currently reading Girl Of Lore (available for pre-order!) by my friend and fellow C+C writer Melanie Dale (!).
Allison Mei-Lin is one of several (brilliant) creative women I’ve met through Exhale and her new book of poetry is out now! Get more information and read my endorsement here.
Speaking of Exhale, I had such an amazing, life-giving time gathering with a bunch of our members in Nashville earlier this month. Alyssa, who co-organized the event, wrote a stunning recap here.
I am ready to crown this face oil the best skincare purchase I’ve made in 2025. I use it morning and night, can layer other products on top of it no problem, and have even mixed it into tinted SPF when my face is a little dry!
More notes like this at the beginning of books, please and thank you.
Related: I have never related to Emma Thompson more.
A couple years ago, my friend Elise wore a gorgeous floral mesh dress to our book club holiday soirée and I have been trying to find a similar dress ever since. Just ordered this one for under $50 and can’t wait to wear it.
Think pieces on aging are a dime a dozen these days, but I still loved Meagan’s thoughts here and found myself nodding along.
Despite hitting 80 degrees this week (have I told you how much I love living in California?), it’s been crisp in the mornings and evenings which means I actually want to bake again. I have made this banana bread upwards of 40+ times and it is fantastic (I use 1/2 cup sugar). Add chocolate chips on top if you love yourself.
I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: nobody influences me more than IRL friends. After seeing my girl Anna’s hair shine and bounce like a Pantene commercial, I immediately ordered a microfiber towel to start GENTLY drying my hair on wash days, which she swears is part of the secret (along with this pre-wash miracle oil and bond repair mask, both of which I already use).
Another IRL influence: my girl Jenn had the coolest nails when I saw her in Nashville a few weeks ago. I have never done the press-on nail situation, but I’m giving it a try this week for Halloween! Will report back.
Basketball season is coming. Nobody is more shocked than me that I am totally this mom.
I have been listening to the ladies of Pantsuit Politics since 2016 (!) and they have single-handedly kept my sanity ever since. I loved this recent (thoughtful, nuanced) conversation on the best way to help food banks right now.
The bad news: I accidentally left my beloved $5 Target sleep mask in an Airbnb earlier this month. The good news: I like the new one I ordered even more (!). I use this every night, not just when I travel.
Talk about a NICHE REC. Fun fact about me: I wear hats, a lot, and I am very picky about hat volume. Enter these hat shapers. Instantly took my baseball hats from flat to full. Magic!
PSA: there is so much good TV on right now. I’ve already finished Nobody Wants This, The Diplomat, A Perfect Neighbor (HAS ANYONE ELSE WATCHED THIS I NEED TO DISCUSS 😬), and Love is Blind (show of hands: who’s watching the reunion tonight?!).
Three new podcast episodes over on the Coffee + Crumbs Substack: To All the Internets We’ve Loved Before (if you’d like to listen to me rage about this in real time, it happens in this convo), Organize My Life Please, and TIHWD: Traveling with Girlfriends.
It’s a little on the early side, but for Those Who Like To Plan Ahead, FYI: I’m planning to run another Create Anyway cohort in January and would love to have you! Sign up here if you want to get a note from me when registration goes live.
I made a whole new Instagram account for my photography, eek! I am trying this new thing where I actually, like, promote my work? TBD if it works. Tentatively planning trips to San Diego, Seattle, and Michigan (somewhere?) in 2026, so if you live in any of those areas and would like me to photograph your family, reply to this email and let me know!
Finally, help!!! I have a bunch of drafts in progress but feel stalled out on all of them. What piece should I finish and publish next? Your vote holds me accountable to write, please and thank you. 😜
That’s all I’ve got. What are you reading? Wearing? Cooking? Watching?
Quick disclaimer: My Substack is always free to read! I use affiliate links in posts like this, which occasionally gives me a teeny tiny kickback if you buy something. Rest assured: I only recommend stuff I genuinely love.
Two exceptions: books and skincare products.
Lest you think I am a total slacker, I do co-write the elementary school’s PTA newsletter and serve on the middle school SSC board. Sharing that not as a flex but as a PSA: I used to feel guilty about not being more involved in the classroom, but there are LOTS of ways to serve your schools!
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