Endings and beginnings

As April comes to a close, it’s been an eventful month. This morning, Italy is full of the news of the passing of Papa Francesco, though we are still awaiting the synchronous ringing of all the funeral bells across the country, as tradition warrants. It is also a glorious spring day here in Milan, with bright sunshine, a cool breeze and crowds out and about for the Easter celebrations.

I have not been active on Substack for a while for a couple of important reasons - first because we have been preparing what I write about below, second because there are revolutions in my personal life as I grow and move on from dynamics I no longer want to contribute to. It takes at least two people to create those dynamics and if the others involved are not willing to let the container of the relationship evolve, there are fewer possibilities open to us. A key element of my own learning in these last years is to, as much as I can, not feel responsible for the emotions of people I love, and even not influence their choices. We are all free to make our own decisions about how to live. I will not pretend that this is an easy stance to take, but it does feel like a necessary one for our collective evolution.

There are significant consequences for me in adopting that position, quietly inviting and allowing the other to meet me where I want to go if he so desires and is able to. Not least my own emotional waves at the very slim chance of that. There is a much bigger probability that it will completely turn my life upside down, needing to leave our home, the country that has adopted me for more than 20 years, the studio where I sculpt, the mountains and beaches I love, friends I may not see so often but care deeply about, to support myself autonomously once more, and many more things I may not have even considered yet.

That’s a narrative though, a story I can easily - and often do - tell myself about what is happening. That I am a victim, that the changes are all-reaching and overwhelming, that I am being abandoned by the person who was supposed to always have my back, never stab me in the heart or cut my throat. Then I quickly become a highly accurate shooter of poisoned arrows, seeking revenge, leveraging whatever is available to alleviate the stress of jumping off the cliff and not feel the inevitable grief of the ending of a marriage. A large hole in the road that is hard to avoid.

Creating Restabilize, however, has helped me to become much more aware of my strong emotional reactions and where they originate from, sometimes also while they are actually happening. In other words, a pause in the heat of the moment of that grief. Current events without doubt demand daily practice, and the practice makes all the difference. It gives me the detachment - not a strength of mine - to observe that very human energy that arises when our deepest fears are activated, even if those are what we attract to ourselves, whether we are aware of it or not. I still need to improve my ability to walk in the shoes of a one who was once beloved and has a very different worldview, priorities and wishes for the future to mine, to keep the heart connection open through all the hard stuff. This significant life event is most definitely encouraging me to think outside my own box, as open-minded as I like to believe myself to be, and explore new possibilities for the future. Luckily, I am much clearer about what is important for me now, which naturally asks me to be responsible for my own decisions and their consequences. And to take action in service of my priorities as opportunities appear. I may well need to bring those alive as newly single person.

Restabilize is a body of integrated practice that helps us develop our capability for reflection-in-action to better navigate the paradox and polarity that we increasingly meet today in everyday life. Whether that is the kind of all-sweeping change that I describe above, leaving a ‘secure’ job to do something that feels more aligned to personal purpose when there are financial responsibilities to honour or bringing up kids in a world that seems to have gone mad. Downsizing to a healthier, more sustainable way of life than urban living, facing serious illness or seeking a more conscious way of relating to our loved ones. Choosing how to best enter a new market, establish a supportive organisational culture or restructure the organisation for better results. Our concerns and needs may be personal, local, in our organisations or as wide and important as responding effectively to climate change, the increasing domination of AI, social and political unrest and economic ‘chaos’. Whatever the scale of our focus is, if the way forwards is not simple and clear to all involved, we may be entangled in complex, dynamic conditions. They are present in my closest relationship and my home. Even if we believe all we need is the assistance of the right experts, we would be wise to spend some time discerning what is going on, rather than considering challenges as problems we need to fix and running to easy solutions that at least at first glance, seem to resolve them.

I’d also love to share a little about how Restabilize has come into being. One of the challenges I faced in recent years, as already shared here in some depth on Substack, has been the transformation of my work from being a successful learning partner (facilitator and team coach) for various organisations and executive coach to many individuals over time. The pandemic accelerated the shift, as did my growing awareness that late-stage, extractive capitalism is not the only way to organise ourselves in the world, indeed that it is unsustainable and accelerating the irreversible decline of our biosphere. Of all the many conversations, explorations and tentative attempts to create something new, the one with my lovely creative partner and friend, Josselin Butte has become concerete and evolved into Restabilize. No doubt, Josselin will also be writing here on Substack and there will be many ways to engage with both of us as Restabilize manifests more fully in the world.

We crossed paths at events organised by a mutual organisational client but never spoke directly. We did however reconnect while doing the 4-D Regenerative Design programme offered by Gaia Education this time last year. Something sparked and we began a trickle of a beautiful meandering conversation about all sorts, getting to know one another and seeding a deep friendship. Neither of us came into the conversation with the idea of starting a business or even working together, it was a simple, open invitation to talk. As we shared stories, experiences, dreams and much more, the trickle of Restabilize as a body of practice for the kinds of challenges I have outlined above began to expand with our regular nourishment into a gently flowing stream. Now, it feels ready to share as it gathers its own pace, flow and course through the landscape of change we are all experiencing.

The body of practice comes from the things we have seen that help people deal with many different challenges over the years in which we have been supporting them in a multitude of ways. It also includes our own lived experience, where we have tried and tested all practices firstly on ourselves. It is not intended as a new framework to better manage complexity or regenerate your watershed or community. Restabilize has theoretical underpinnings in many areas - complexity theory, depth psychology, regenerative design, permaculture and creative process, to name just a few. We’ll make these supporting structures evident as we share ideas and opportunities to learn with you.

The beauty for us of reflection-in-action is that it offers space and guidance to experience life as a continuous creative flow, no matter what is apparently happening around us. It helps us to develop an expansive enough view to know directly that we are co-creators of our lives, not innocent bystanders or victims. That what might feel like breakdown and collapse are doorways into breakthrough and new life, just like the turning of the seasons and the arrival of spring. That if we followed and lived by the natural cycles on our wondrous planet, we, and the biosphere that sustains us all, might just be a whole lot better off.

We’ll be posting and inviting you to engage with us in different ways in the coming weeks. For now, on this eventful Easter Monday, please take a look at our website and what we are offering:

• half-day ‘Raise your vibe’ workshops to move your energy and move your life!

• our online adventure ‘MEET’ where you can discover some essential fundamental practices for creating greater stability, at your own pace, with our guidance or as an in-house workshop for your group or team

• an introductory video and downloadable pdf where we share our views on why being stable is so important now and an outline of those fundamentals

Please do let us know how these feel for you, either by commenting / messaging here on Substack, booking a call with us to find out more or writing to us at connect@restabilize.xyz. We will be delighted to speak to you!

Thanks for reading…and see you somewhere in MEET very soon.