How to Find a Sweetheart (part 2)

Classification … PROSPERITY > #DATING, #HOWTO, #ROMANCE, #LOVE … (FULL SYSTEM) (REALITY SHIFT)
This second part of a surprisingly effective way to find romance is from copyrighted information developed from 1968 through 1988 by Arthur Cronos, first written in 1995. We’re publishing the method here, as a public service. Rights granted to you: You may print one copy for your personal use; all other rights are reserved. We hope you find it useful in your life. And so we ask: please do not violate US copyright law by giving printed or electronic copies to your friends; that would be both illegal and rude. … Instead, please share this unusual method by sending your friends to get their own freely available copy. (You can obviously email the link to your friends by copying it from the browser’s URL link at page top.) Here’s to your superb romance!

NOTE: If you missed Part One, then CLICK HERE for Part One. :)

In part one, we examined WHY the usual approaches to getting a girlfriend (or a boyfriend) usually fail. To do so, we had to back up and discuss how the mind works, because that’s how the trap is constructed. Because of the way the mind is built, we’re predisposed to fall into a snare, precisely because we desire to have the thing that’s so elusive.

We briefly discussed how it’s useful to think of our “brain” as actually being four structures, each operating in a different way to promote your survival. But because the four operate differently, they can come to different conclusions, which both blinds you to opportunities and can give you unpleasant emotions when you try to move forward.

In summary, we looked at how the four brains come to create an error amongst themselves, and how the error can persist, and become a self-fulfilling problem.

Here we resume our story, of how your buttons get pushed, and how you get blocked, and then you get a simple system that quickly acts to jailbreak you out of this self-defeating cycle.

I’ll use the left-brain, verbal mind to explain how the system works. Later on, your right-brain, visual brain will see it working when you try it. Your Pavlovian, mammal-brain will then experience the pleasure of success. For clarity, I’ll explain it from a guy’s point of view, though works the same way for women looking for a man, and for straight or gay folks of either gender as well.

And as you’ll see, it’s easier than you think …
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• Here in Part Two, we’ll briefly examine three mental principles that interfere, and the secret key that unlocks these three barriers.

• Then you’ll discover that it can actually be rather easy to reprogram the way you see things, in a way that SERVES you rather than blocking you.

• Because next come the Five Simple Steps that—if you do them—all the internal blocks and dither just vanishes, and we’ll do this by going out on dates, which will quickly become a rather easy thing to do.

Don’t worry if you’ve struggled before. This unusual path takes you quickly into going out, having some fun, and your mental barriers start melting away. It’s like … magic.

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Let’s examine three of the mental quirks that guide us to the solution … I’m not sure exactly why the following statement seems true to humans, but we all feel that it’s true:

We have a powerful tendency to see things this way. When a thing is scarce, such as gold or diamonds, we think it’s valuable. I suppose if diamonds were as common as crabgrass, we’d be kicking them out of our way, complaining bitterly how they reflect the bright sun in our eyes!

The Key: Scarce Equals Valuable.
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For some reason, when we feel we MUST do something, we often feel somehow that we CAN’T do it. And when we feel we CAN’T do something, we often feel strongly that we MUST do it.

Why? I don’t know. But that’s the way the mind works. I MUST get a job, but I CAN’T get a job. I CAN’T get a girlfriend, but I MUST get a girlfriend.

And the more you feel MUST, the more you experience CAN’T. I bet you can remember times this happened to you, for it happens to us all.

Perhaps it’s just that when we feel stymied (CAN’T), we tend to pour on the emotional coal (MUST), because we feel what we lack most keenly. And perhaps feeling these things together many times in our lives, we become conditioned to feel them together automatically, as Pavlov would say.

However it happens, you will observe that feelings of MUST and feelings of CAN’T tend to arise together.

The key: MUST and CAN’T travel together.
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By “havingness,” I mean how much of something you can comfortably experience.

You will notice that certain people always have zero money. They are always poor. I would say that their Havingness of Money was low. They may complain, but all the things they say seem to fit together, and in their view of the world and the way it works, it just naturally follows that they have no money. Maybe it’s their fault or maybe it’s the fault of Martians, but it just naturally follows that in the world they describe they would have no money.

Now here’s the funny part. If you have ever seen one of these people somehow by accident come into a goodly sum of money, what’s the most probable outcome? They will, in a very short time, have somehow managed to get rid of that money. They will again have no money, and they will be telling the same story as before about how the world works.

I would say their havingness of money was low. They see the world in a certain way, and therefore they act in a certain way, and get certain consequences, and so they continue to see the world in that certain way. And this tends to continue, and so they continue in their familiar ways (even if they’re complaining), and they’re constantly experiencing a certain amount of money, no more.

Certain other people always seem to have lots of money. If they go broke and you come back a year later, usually they’ve got lots of money again.

Their havingness of money is high. They see the world in a certain way, and it’s familiar for them to experience a lot of money, and they act in ways that make it likely that a lot of money will come to them.

Trends tend to continue. The raving drunk downtown is probably not going to be a suburban bank manager tomorrow. Most likely he’ll be a raving drunk downtown.

There may be good reasons why a person has a high havingness level for money, for alcohol, for women, or for status. But for our purposes, it doesn’t matter why.

Havingness is a convenient way to think about an individual’s level of tolerance, or his level of familiar expectation about a given thing.

The key: Havingness tends to remain constant.

In our method, we’re going to concentrate on your havingness level on women, or on men. As you will see, this key unlocks the trap.
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Let’s describe the trap that commonly befalls a guy who has no girlfriend. Imagine that this is you …

First, there aren’t any girlfriends in your life, so they’re scarce, right? That means they’re valuable. Very, very valuable, right?

Already we’re feeling like we can’t get one! Why? Because MUST and CAN’T arise automatically together. Girlfriends are so scarce, they’re very valuable, so maybe we CAN’T get one! But that makes us automatically feel like we MUST get one!

They’re so scarce! And we MUST get a girlfriend, because were so very, very lonely because they’re so very, very scarce. GOT TO get a girlfriend, a scarce valuable girlfriend. But I CAN’T get a girlfriend, a scarce valuable girlfriend; In fact, I’ll NEVER get a girlfriend; there aren’t any good women; I never meet any women; I never have any luck; there are no women!

Conditioned emotions are now reinforcing your view that there are very few women, and you have a powerful compulsion to get one somehow, but at the same time you feel overwhelmed and fearful and depressed because it appears so difficult. You are not in the best state of mind for moving forward, and you are not in the best state of mind for seeing the problem clearly.

Your havingness is now very low, and trends tend to continue.

And why does this trend tend to continue? Simply because—once you have programmed your perception—that’s the way you see things. That’s the world you see.

And once you see it a certain way (ERROR! ERROR!), you tend to do all the wrong things:

You will stay at home tonight and watch television. (And no women will by accident wander through your apartment.)

You will spot a woman in a coffee-house, but you’ll feel real shy, and while you’re dithering internally, she’ll finish her coffee and leave. (And you never knew she was wondering who you were.)

You will work yourself up into a frenzy and go down to the supermarket and try to strike up conversations, but after you get shot down the third time you’ll buy chocolate ice-cream and go home to sulk. (And never discover that number five was the one who wanted to go out with you.)

You’ll get a date by accident, but when you go out you realize with great sadness that she’s not nearly as wonderful as lovely Judy whom you broke up with after three years of near-bliss, so you don’t call this one back. (And never discover how great she is once she gets over being shy.)

Have you ever noticed that, after you break up with somebody, nobody else seems as good?

That’s for the obvious reason that it takes a while to get to know somebody, and until you do, no stranger can seem as good as somebody you knew well. How could they?

But the self-reinforcing nature of perception is that you think there are no good women, and you gloom around and remain blind to possibilities.

The COMMONEST SINGLE MISTAKE that lonely folks make is ... being stubbornly blind to obvious opportunities. Go visit a friend after they break up, and follow them around. Why don’t you ask Molly out? you ask.

Oh, she’s too stuck up, they say.

Well, maybe a little, you admit, but look at that woman over there! Why don’t you go ask her out?

I don’t think she’s so cute, they say, miserably.

Well what about that redhead there?

Oh, she’d never go out with me.

The brunette?

I think she’s got a boyfriend, they say, no way!

It’s astounding. A man who has no girlfriend becomes incredibly picky! What’s really happening is that his havingness level is quite low, and his MUST brings up his CAN’T, and his strong desire makes women appear so valuable as to be incredibly scarce, and he just can’t help but see it that way.

This is also what happens to you.

Your powerful, emotion-charged perception colors your view of the world and misleads your actions. Your choices seem sensible (to your colored vision), but you do the wrong things, and so fulfill your own prophecy.
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In order to start seeing the problem correctly, please accept this fact: When you have no girlfriend, it tends to be self-defeating to try to get a girlfriend.

Please remember this one sentence: Because of the way the mind is built, when you have no girlfriend, it tends to be self-defeating to try to get a girlfriend.

So, what do we do?

Simple.

Stop trying to solve the problem of no women.

Instead, we will repair our low havingness level on women.
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When you think about it, there is no real shortage of women on the planet. This is obvious. There are over 8 billion people on the planet. Half of them are women.

Even if you set aside everybody who is too young or too old or who lives far away, if you live in any metropolitan area, several hundred thousand women are available in your vicinity. If you live on a farm, maybe you’ll have to drive up the road, and maybe there are only fifty thousand within a day’s drive.

That’s plenty!

There is no shortage of women on the planet! So, where’s the shortage?

The scarcity is in your head!

Therefore, we will now stop trying to fix the problem of no women. No such problem really exists, and that’s why we can never fix it.

Instead, we will concentrate on increasing your havingness level. Oddly enough this is extremely easy to do, and leads to having lots of choices of great women in our life, often rather quickly. And lonely goes adios!

In other words, in all the times we’ve had this problem of being lonely, we’ve been trying to solve the wrong problem! That’s why the solution has been so difficult.
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There’s a book called Psycho-Cybernetics which makes a great case for methodically visualizing things you want to happen, because the target-seeking function of the mind works on pictures, whether they really happened or not.

We’re going to do something like that, but even MORE powerful. We are going to let our mind see, with our actual eyes, that we are going out with plenty of women, so that the mind CANNOT HELP BUT SEE that there are PLENTY of women.

This will absolutely cause our havingness level to rise, and we will quickly find ourselves feeling very comfortable with experiencing women in our lives, and our expectation level will also quickly change.

When your perceptions change, you will see things differently, and you will consequently act differently, and consequently things will come to pass differently.

Now when you try this system, the way you actually experience it is hopefulness. Then you get caught up in the mechanics, meeting people and starting to go out. This is kind of fun and exciting and interesting, but initially you probably won’t fall in love. You may go on a few dates which are a little boring.

But you will stop feeling so lonesome, and you’ll see this is working. Although you may feel a little fearful or anxious along the way, this fades and fades, you’ll start to feel more self-confident and you’ll kind of wonder why you felt so gloomy before.

And then it will start to seem … easy. It may seem obvious, and you wonder why it seemed so difficult before. (This change is because you are changing the way you perceive, so naturally it looks different! Because when you change the way you see, stuff looks different.)

And then ... it will start to seem like magic. Wonderful women will seem to start falling out of the sky. They’re everywhere! They’re everywhere!

And somewhere along the line, if you’re like most humans, you’ll probably fall in love.
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First of all, in this system I want you to know we’re going to try very hard to avoid being too REASONABLE. Being “reasonable” means going along with the same old program that got you short-changed and led to the same old dead-end. So who wants more of that? Not you!

Remember: If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always have what you’ve always had. So if we want different results, let’s do something different now.
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You’re going to need a small amount of money, or some creativity, to go out five times each week, but a coffee-date counts, or a walk around the lagoon, or meeting at lunch, or going to hear a lecture, or going to the art museum. In fact, simplicity and variety will be more fun and easier on you than a major production every night.

The system might work dating only four or three times a week, but only choose this if your work schedule truly prohibits you going out. The system is KNOWN TO WORK if you undertake to go out FIVE times a week. It’s not very reasonable, but we’re not trying to be reasonable here; we’re trying to get results, and five times a week is KNOWN TO WORK.

In fact, many people who have tried this system call it the Five-Date System, so that’s what we’ll call it.

So step one is to vow to go out on a date five times each week.
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Now this is radical! Initially it doesn’t matter who you go out with! Remember, our purpose is to remedy our low havingness on girlfriends (or boyfriends), and so it really doesn’t matter where we begin.

No matter where you are in the scale of things, that’s where you start. In other words, you begin where you’re at.

Remember the lonely guy who was so incredibly picky that he never chose anybody and so he never moved forward at all?

We’re going to stubbornly refuse to be that guy.

Your initial target is just to get up to five outings a week, as quickly as you can. So feel free to cheat! Assuming you’re a straight male, let’s say you’re short for the week and you’ve only arranged to go out with three women. OK, ask your sister, or one of your buddies out to do something. (For god’s sake, don’t tell your buddy he’s one of your five dates for the week!)

What if only one of the women is a real date, meaning somebody you met (at the laundromat) and you asked them if they’d like to go get a cup of coffee (during the dry cycle)? What if the other four are: (a) your room-mate’s girlfriend (keep it clean!); (b) your childhood friend Suzie; (c) your landlady; and (d) your mother!

It doesn’t matter!

Just swing into going out five times a week with ANYBODY, and do it now!
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As you become more skillful at MEETING women (or men) over time, you’ll have a greater selection from which to choose your five dates each week. So great! Choose the five you feel most attractive.

And let’s say that four of the most attractive ones say yes, then make up the fifth from the less attractive ones.

But isn’t this USING people? Maybe yes, in a way. But it’s not going to be harmful as long as you’re tactful and honest with them. Don’t tell them you’re using a system. But don’t lead somebody on and then let them feel disappointment. Also realize that it’s fun going out, and it’s fun for them being asked to go out, and casual outings can be very pleasant for company and fun even when you don’t get married later. Right?

Now let me tell you a funny thing. These women (or men) that you don’t really have an interest in, when you’re not trying to GET SOMEWHERE, and when they don’t have to be somebody perfect for you to fall in love, in a case like that you will often discover that you’re having an enjoyable time in their company. Maybe this person isn’t really so attractive, according to your taste, but maybe they’re kind of fun. Maybe that one’s kind of serious and critical, but has a wry sense of humor and knows everything in the world about where to go hear the best jazz combos. Maybe that one’s too fat for you, but wants to cook you lasagna that makes your mouth turn flips!

Although you have a goal and agenda, why not enjoy your program? Why not enjoy these people?
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As you engage in this program, you are going to meet more and more attractive women (or men), and it’s going to become more and more possible to slip into the sack.

Don’t do it.

Generally, put it off.

For one reason, STD’s can ruin your health for life or even kill you.

Secondly, if this person turns out to be somebody you’re not serious about (and several of them have to be, right?), now you’ve got to get OUT of the relationship, and that’s always a mess. Unless your self-esteem is low, and you feel bolstered by watching somebody cry, or unless you’re a spiteful and hateful person with a mean streak, there’s little to recommend the situation of having to break it off.

Thirdly, if you’re sleeping with Alice, she’ll raise hell that you’re going out with Betty, Carmen, Dorothy, and Evelyn! But if you’re not sleeping with Alice, it usually won’t be an issue or big drama. Here’s a true fact about most everyone: The exact moment when fidelity becomes an issue is when you take off your clothes and do the deed.

Fourthly, sex causes bonding (especially in males). It’s built into the hormones of the body. And you don’t want to stop the expansion of your program until ... until when? I say the time to stop your program is when you are damned certain you’ve met somebody that you’d be a FOOL to let slip away.

As mentioned previously, the commonest mistake is being misled by your perceptions due to the emotional trap of feeling alone, and as a result NOT GOING OUT AT ALL, due to “good reasons” which your mind invents.

The second common mistake can happen after you get going. It’s easy start this program and it’s going great and you quickly meet an attractive woman (or man) and you decide that’s great, and you stop seeing anybody else and you STOP YOUR PROGRAM.

And you stopped your program when you met ONE attractive person.

Well, there are lots of attractive women and men in the world, and turning off your own personal survey to find the one you really want, just because you met ONE who’s sort of attractive, well it’s just not a good idea.

And right at first, especially when you first start discovering more attractive women showing up every day, this is a very easy mistake to make. After all, except for the naturally popular, level-headed, totally sane and balanced minority of persons, most of us tend to flip out when we find ourself, for the first time in our lives, just wallowing in hog heaven!

The biggest mistake to make now is to stop what’s working.

So how do you tell the difference between (a) the correct time to stop and to live happily ever after with the one you really want, and (b) the premature abandonment of your successful program because you’ve encountered one that’s pretty damned attractive?

I think the best way is to wait until you’re regularly seeing one (of your weekly five) who you think is pretty damned terrific, and you’ve spent enough time to know her pretty well, you’ve seen her in different situations (trouble as well as fun), and it just comes to you that you’d be a FOOL to let them get away.

Other than that, how do you REALLY know when to select ONE?

Beats me.

But isn’t this a wonderful dilemma to experience?
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Just continue your program. You will know it’s in full swing when wonderful women (or men) seem to drop from the sky, and when you start to wonder is this one or that one (whom you get to know rather well) is a keeper.

When these things begin to occur, you know your havingness level is high. In fact, if you ask yourself, Can I easily experience women (or men)? you will discover that the answer is now: Yes!

You may now wish to cut back on your dates per week. This will save you money, and you’ll be able to get more work done.

Your havingness level, once set high by this process, will tend to stay high unless you program it low by not going out much. Of course, few people who are actively going out and having fun will suddenly just stop. But if you let your activity dwindle over a period of time and you catch yourself thinking or feeling that there just aren’t very many women, then you know it’s time to crank it up.

Those who have tried this system report that sometimes they begin dating one person exclusively, but if that doesn’t work out, well it’s time to start up the system again.

Hardly a burden.
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This section, showing how the mind’s structure can easily trigger us into self-defeating actions, how to re-frame what we’re trying to accomplish, and the simple Five Date System, has worked for thousands of people. So far, everyone who has tried it and who reported back … has reported success.

But there are a few tactics that make putting it into practice a bit easier …

• In Part Three, we’ll first do a simple exercise that clarifies what you REALLY want. Because many folks, maybe most, have only a vague idea, and as a result, can get tied up in an unsatisfying situation. Clarity breeds the best success, and your unconscious mind already knows the secrets of what you REALLY want, and this quick exercise brings it out to focus your practice.

• Therapy? A couple of pros and cons; a couple of suggestions.

• And then … where to find them? The reality shift you get here is something that changes outcomes, makes the project easier.

• The basics of opening a conversation. How to create an easy gradient, some things to do, some things to avoid, how to set up another meeting.

• And three more often-overlooked places where you’ll find lots of them!

This may all seem strange, if it’s new to you. It may sound “too easy” when you’ve never tried this absolutely backwards approach. It might sound woo-woo, or it may sound like psychobabble.

Author’s Note; I’ll be working on loading Part Three, just as quickly as time allows.

Our next step will be to meet back here for Part Three. See you then!

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The four classifications of articles —
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