BDSM and all Sexual Fantasies are about LOVE

Here’s a raw post for you. I woke up humming with the astonishment of it all and just let it pour out. Professionalism be damned.

It may surprise you to realise that all BDSM is about love. All your sexual fantasies are about love. All of them. Yes, even that non-consensual, sadistic one you’ve never told a soul about.

They are consciousness tech in story form that trigger all the switches we need to finally let go… and allow ourselves to dissolve into something bigger than our small selves. AKA connect with the non-dual unity state that is the structural level of existence. AKA love.

All our sexual or kink turn-ons are stories about what our egos fear most about letting go and opening to love. And the exact way to let go anyway. They include the poison and the antidote. They are alchemy recipes.

Not necessarily romantic love. We don’t always lust because we want a romantic connection. Besides, as profound as it is, romance is only a practice run for falling in love with Life. It’s a reflection and doorway to something closer to Agape. The structural foundational level of All that Is.

But here’s the key many miss. They think, well then, if I fear opening to love, there must be something wrong with me. My smutty thoughts and kinks are evidence of my childhood trauma, or I just need more therapy. It’s about my attachment style…

Nope.

Our turn-ons aren’t generated by the things measured inside the discipline of psychology. That entire discipline is downstream from the real generators of erotic tension.

Our turn-ons stem from a structural, foundational, irreducible level of existence.

They simply wear the costumes of your childhood and cultural experiences, but the paradoxical tensions exist separately from that.

They exist the moment a self exists.

They exist because existence exists at all.

They exist as an inescapable consequence of existence becoming.

Once you realise that there are three paradoxes inherent to desire that are impossible to resolve, you realise that your kinks aren’t about your childhood at all. They are about navigating structural inevitabilities of reality.

Your smut-loving butt is not broken. It never was. You will never reach a point where you won’t need to go through the process of disarming your ego to connect with the Whole. It is a never-ending process of becoming.

The problem was only that you didn’t know how to understand or navigate these powerful drives and fantasies. You didn’t know how to interpret or harness them. That’s what the deVinery Method is. It shows you how to wield this force.

And here’s the thing. Learning how to navigate the 3 paradoxes (using the 3 flips and the storyverse ethos) does something more than give you great orgasms. By playing with them in the safety of consensual sex or BDSM, you form the skill to recognise and navigate your Desire Signature. It teaches you how to navigate the same inevitable forces in all levels of our lives.

Because there isn’t a single thing that humans do, build, choose or create that is not shaped by desire. By these 3 paradoxes that exist wherever a self exists.

Our sexual fantasies hold concentrated formulas for how life itself works. Sex is both how Life makes more of itself and what leads us home to Love. Interpret that as spiritual, or not… it still works on a practical, qualia and measurable level.

Wanna learn? Wanna become a teacher of this? Let me know, and I might get inspired to run another cohort through this process.

Meantime, you can learn more about how the three paradoxes appear inside sexual fantasies here in this youtube interview I did with Dr Dawn Dalili. I have evolved my theories considerably since then, but it is still a good place to start.

Author: Artemisia de Vine is a philosophically inclined former sex worker and professional dominatrix. Founder of The deVinery Method and Project Dandelion.