Missing Generation: Part III

Dead, dulled, distracted, detached mothers.

This is what we get as a result from a selfish generation of mothers that raised today’s mothers.

And a current culture that lifts up “self” on its high places, incessantly sacrificing children on its altars.

I read a random news article recently. It was about an actress…

(Side Note: The “entertainer/performer” is the most selfish of mothers. Not just the actress. But the musicians, dancers, politicians, and yep, the female preachers. A woman who idolizes the stage and loves a good audience.)

The actress said this about her struggle with motherhood and her career…

“There’s another version of my life where I could have worked less, had a smaller life and been more present as a parent. I could have chosen that, that could happen,” she said. “But sometimes it feels like why would you, if you keep getting work as an actor, doing things you dreamt of doing and being offered incredible roles at this age, while paying the bills, and you still get to see them a huge percentage of the time and they witness a mother enjoying her work?” ~Gillian Anderson, Actress

Her choice to focus on her career, even after she had become a mother, ultimately led her to divorce. She goes on to say she “had to” send her daughter to a French boarding school starting at age 6, and that, although she realized it was very hard on her daughter, she felt she had “made the right decision for herself”. Not her child. Herself.

Yikes.

As I pondered on this article for a few days, I noticed the algorithm suggested more articles like her story. One being about another actress that recently over-dosed or committed suicide (allegedly). This actress had declared in the past that she suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter. She said she “never felt a bond with my child”. And ultimately signed over custody to the father.

Tragic.

Now, we see the news blowing up over a mother that violently murdered her 3 children.

Demonic.

Again, postpartum depression the culprit. Which is very real. Yet, a surprisingly simple health fix. But a huge part is cultural. It’s not just lack of support.

It’s a “me, me me” epidemic at it’s absolute worst.

We have a whole generation of Gen-Xers and Millennials raising children and some even becoming grandparents themselves. You could call our generation The Lost Generation.

We were left to figure it out as children. The 80’s and 90’s kids were called “feral and wild”. Left to raise ourselves because our mothers abandoned us for their careers. We possess few skills, not because our mothers didn’t have the same skills passed down from their mothers and grandmothers, but instead because they were too tired to pour into us at the end of the day. Our wisdom is limited, as we were left empty with any sound advice from a generation of bitter, brainwashed women. Now, we’re left sifting out the lies we were fed, left over from the feminist movement of the 20th century.

Today, we have a generation of young women that don’t even want children at all. And if they do have children, just like their mothers and grandmothers, they don’t want to raise them. This is a result of how they were raised. Even our conservative Christian sisters are pushing the progressive lies. Innocently and unknowingly causing immense damage…

In a recent episode of the new Duck Dynasty show, Jess Robertson, a conservative Christian, homeschooling mom of 5, and homemaker, tells her 22 year old daughter that she and dad will be moving to another state soon to fulfill a dream of theirs.

Two problems I see here that represent the state of our current failing family culture…

1. The Robertson’s have 3 young adult daughters that have begun to have families of their own. They are new grandparents. And they are choosing to move away from 2 of them. Splitting up the family unit by proximity. Pulling away their support for their daughters and their vulnerable families. They will no longer be physically present grandparents.

Jess Robertson’s daughter responds with, “What am I going to do with Winston (her son)? I rely on ya’ll to watch him when I’m at work.”

2. We have young mothers expecting and relying on grandma to raise their children. I see it too often in my own community.

Here’s the truth…

It’s not grandma’s job to raise your children. We shouldn’t be using grandparents as regular babysitters.

However, grandparents should be doing it alongside us. Not for us. At best, we ought to be raising children under the same roof. Not that we have to live together. But the village works best when proximity is within walking distance.

Yet, this is so far from the norm. Rare are the big Sunday lunches. Or grand-kids walking down to grandma and grandpa’s for a treat. Or that much needed support system for new parents.

We have to acknowledge how it got this way…

The fault comes from mothers raising their daughters to go to college, live out their dreams, and when the daughters become mothers, we come to a crossroad. What to do? No one told her that she would have to choose between a career and being a mother. No one told her that she would have to pay someone else to raise her child. No one told her that grandma wasn’t going to be a permanent nanny. No one told her that she would have to give up her dreams and God forbid, stay home, raise her babies, and keep a home.

So here’s the reality…

Elderly people aren’t going to change. Not much, anyway.

So we must ask ourselves, what we can do…

1. Communicate…

   1. In our families: Yes, we should start having these conversations with the grandparents. In a kind, gentle way. No passive aggressive slips when an issue occurs. That’s how arguments start. No more sweeping it under the rug. That’s how rifts form. Instead, let’s start being honest so we can kill the bitterness, start growing closer as families, and break some dang chains, ya’ll!

   2. In our churches: We have to start having these conversations amongst our brothers and sisters in Christ. Our preachers and leaders need to start encouraging their older flock to shepherd the young families in the church. Whether that looks like ministering to young women over a cup of tea, checking in weekly through calls and texts, or visiting an overwhelmed mother who needs you to rock their baby while they take a much needed shower. Titus Women support groups need to be the norm in the Christian community.

Decide to be different…

1. You can’t change your mother or mother-in-law, you also can’t sit in the bitterness either. Practice gratitude for any little bit of themselves they do give. Whether monetarily, even if they visit once a year, or call every blue moon. Take the little wins!

2. Do it differently than they did or are doing. Be the mother you wished you had growing up. Stop focusing on the grandparents relationship with their grandchildren. Stay focused on your relationship with your children.

3. Prepare your heart. Start preparing yourself to be the mother-in-law and grandmother you wish you had right now. Pray the Lord readies you to be a mother to future daughter-in-laws and son-in-laws. Even if it’s in the far future! Decide what kind of grandmother you are going to be some day. Remember what you needed in those early days as a mother, and be her when those days come.

I’ll end with this…

Being an older woman is an immense honor. One not to be taken lightly. It’s a opportunity to steward young hearts and minds. It’s an chance to continue to pass down the wisdom through the life experiences only decades can hold.

Being a grandmother is a gift. Do not take it for granted. Even if you didn’t do it right as a mother, it is never too late to start glorifying God in the role as grandmother. As this life is coming to its end, use your last days as though they are just that. The final chance.

Be unabashedly affectionate, minister the truth with love, and be a light-hearted presence in your family’s lives.

Children are the greatest gift from God.

And they need you, grandma.

We need you.

“And so train the young women to love their husbands and children…”

Titus 2:4