Showing Up Fragile

Welcome to Armchair Rebel: chronic reflections inspired by life in the slow lane. I hope you’ll feel seen, and find comfort and community here, whatever your current state of health or ability. Disability is the only minority anyone can join at any moment, and that each of us will pass through in our lifetime. That’s not a threat, that’s just how it is.

I am fragile, and have been for several weeks now.

Last week I was really brave and I didn’t sugarcoat how brave a fairly pedestrian thing was for me. I went to get a blood draw done. It took two goes, even for my favourite phlebotomist.

I celebrated with myself for my courage.

I comforted myself for my fear.

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I lean into the languor of recuperation. I listen to my body.

I feel frustration with my lack of ‘spoons’ / energy.

I feel guilt about prioritising myself in the face of others’ needs.

I read Kate Manne’s latest essay on ‘naysaying labour’.

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I’d like to be playing with arts and crafts

. . . wanting some ‘Vitamin F’ (Fun).

Fun requires both stamina and permission.

I am sleeping, journaling, eating convenience food, and sometimes running the dishwasher.

Knitting a little when I can. I can knit lying down.

🌿

I am fragile, and my fragility is not a moral failing, merely one facet of the human experience.

I need to witness and affirm myself knowing this. Maybe you do too?

Thank you for reading, your time and attention are a gift.

• Are you deficient in ‘vitamin F’ (Fun)? What is one fun (or fun-ish) thing you could do right now? Or within the next couple of hours? Kitchen disco? Play with your crayons? Romp with a child or pet? Pop outside and snap a photo of a great cloud or flower or leaf?

• When was the last time YOU felt fragile? What was the hardest part of that? Physical suffering? Loneliness or sadness? Other people’s attitudes?

• Did you take as much recovery time as you needed? Were you accepting of your speed of recovery, or did you try to come back faster? Have you ever taken longer recovery time than you actually needed?

• Share your story in the comments, and let’s keep the conversation rolling…

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