Why it's best to let it all out

I am a very emotional person. I find it impossible not to express my feelings, possibly due to BPD — and apparently this is healthy for me, though often awkward for the people around me, who are usually British and are therefore deeply uncomfortable with expressions of emotion.

Being British has historically been associated with having a stiff upper lip. My wonderful husband is very British and can’t actually cry. Even when I called off our wedding last November, he screamed but didn’t shed a tear.

In contrast, I blubbed like a baby. And this approach can be helpful, says Psychologies magazine:

If our lives are a journey or trip, emotions are the inner compass or GPS, revealing our most important and pressing needs—and our problems in the moment, along with possible solutions. Disregarding your GPS (representing emotions in this metaphor) can make it harder to get to your destination on your trip. For example:

• If you’re feeling sad, you may have lost something important, and may need comfort.

• If you’re feeling angry, you may have been mistreated and need to fight back or protect yourself.

• If you’re scared: you may be anticipating something bad happening and need to protect yourself or leave a dangerous situation.

I had lost something important — my fiancé and engagement. Luckily I found them again and we eloped six months later. But finding them again meant allowing myself to accept that I had made a mistake in ending the best relationship I’d ever had, and not being afraid to reverse loudly and publicly like a dump truck: beep beep beep!

“That was the biggest rollercoaster of my life,” says my husband, of the short bus journey which led from us being strangers to lovers again.

The thing is, some people cause you to ride rollercoasters, and other people give you straight lines. I often berate myself for being needlessly up and down, but should I? I would love not to be wobbly and chaotic, but my husband describes me as fun and exciting, and can you really have one without the other?

Psychologies continues:

As a general rule with some exceptions; when we continually suppress our emotions, not only do they not just go away, they can even grow stronger and fester in our bodies and mind.

(‘Fester’ makes me think of Uncle Fester from the Addams Family!)

I’m not sure how scientific this is, but unexpressed emotions are said to cause disease, with the word actually meaning ‘dis-ease’ or discomfort.

Healthline, which is usually scientifically robust, says:

Bottling up emotions triggers chronic stress, high blood pressure, and inflammation. This constant mind-body strain can weaken your immune system and raise your risk for long-term health problems.

The National Cancer Institute says:

Over time, chronic inflammation can cause DNA damage and lead to cancer.

So basically, you need to be cranky and snap and blub at the people around you so you don’t die! (I am joking. Well, somewhat.)

Read more