Do the thing, people

Life is short, and so am I. And the reason I worry so much about dying is that I love my life so much.

My husband is wonderfully loving and kind. He gives me a full body massage every night. And yes, predictably it almost always leads to sex, and sex with him is the best I’ve ever had. Imagine being naked and rubbed all over daily with hot oil by the most gorgeous person you’ve ever met, who is also naked, and that is my reality. I am living the dream.

I’ve finally found a bloke who is extremely romantic and generous and can’t tell me enough how much he loves me.

So, of course, my brain throws up disaster scenarios, because it isn’t used to being so happy, so it’s scanning the horizon for impending doom.

And the best way I’ve found to avert rumination and overthinking is taking positive action.

So I write massive long To Do lists of everything I need to do, which is a LOT as I am ambitious and have high standards due to my BPD thirst for perfection. These high standards, by the way, are why I never made it work with anyone before, because I would leave them if they didn’t treat me really well or didn’t prioritise our relationship.

Except sometimes I’d think to myself, “This is just my BPD, relationships aren’t perfect so I’m being unrealistic” and so I’d fall back into the mediocre relationship and be unhappy again.

But Adam is exactly who I’ve been looking for, for three decades.

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