So many people I know right now are carrying so much.
Although she seriously needs it for school work, my 17-year-old neighbor isn’t allowed to use the WiFi at her house. So she came by to use my Internet. For an honors student, the pace and complexity of school assignments can create a lot of stress, and I was glad to give her a quiet space where she could listen to music and get things done.
But the moment she sat at my dinner table, the stories of the day, the week, the month, and her entire life so far, started pouring out of her. And I realized that what she needed wasn’t space to do her homework. What she needed was a space where she could express her overwhelm. She talked nonstop for a very long time, and I was okay with that because she truly needed to.
Back when I had one, I shared my experience of overcoming social anxiety with my therapist. I talk about this in the audio reflection, Overcoming Social Anxiety which is in my Quiet Depths Collection. But long story short, I overcame my social anxiety by deciding to no longer control the conversations that I engage in.
When I first started making this shift, during conversations I would visualize myself as being an open window. I would just sit there fully open and let the words of others flow in and out of me, without trying to hold on to them. That was about ten years ago, and now this is often my state when listening during conversations, especially when I notice that the person I’m talking to is holding a lot.
This kind of openness allows me to listen fully and give helpful responses when needed, without becoming over-attached and over-burdened.
If you have a lot of people in your life right now who are experiencing overwhelming emotions and have a lot to unload, try taking this stance when listening to them. I’ve found that as an empath, not only does this keep me from absorbing too much of their stress, but I’m also much better at giving meaningful observations because my focus is on what they are telling me instead of what I should say.
And as I’ve gotten better at this technique, I’ve noticed more and more that those I sit with sometimes end up talking themselves into solving their own problems. I don’t have to say much of anything.
Growing up, I didn’t have a safe space to verbally express myself when feeling overwhelmed. Either I was belittled for being too emotional or my parents didn’t have the time, energy, or capacity for it. I often felt like a carbonated drink under pressure, ready to just fizz out everywhere when given the chance to open up.
Vented thoughts can be cleaned up and organized. Hidden thoughts can’t.
For me journaling and art became a way to materialize my thoughts and release the pressure. I’m not afraid of venting. Even now when I wake up with a mind full of thoughts, I pull out a paper and do an unrestrained brain dump. Then I read it over and highlight the things that are meaningful and that requires me to take some action.
My venting often becomes clarity, and I feel much less burdened.
After talking to me for over an hour and doing a tiny bit of homework, my 17-year-old neighbor also decided to call up a friend who is a little younger than her. They proceeded to talk for over two hours, first about her problems and then about her dreams. After talking to both of us, I noticed that my neighbor not only looked way more relaxed than when she first arrived, but she also had a better grasp on what she wanted to do next to face her problems.
There is nothing like being heard—to be listened to. But often before being heard by someone else, we need space to listen to ourselves. We need space to remember that our words and thoughts matter, even if they come out like a hot mess. But something so simple can be so hard to find sometimes.
Taking that to heart, I’m sharing some gentle support for sensitive, introspective people who currently feel overwhelmed right now. This month, I’m opening up a quiet space for listening, reflecting, and journaling which will be hosted as a Substack chat session on Tuesday, May 19th at 10 AM.
The theme is “Thoughtful Sounds.” Add it to your calendar 💖
If you’re a subscriber, you’ll receive a notification email when I start the chat. So bring your journal, some earphones, and feel free to just drop in.
And if you can’t make it at that time, it’s completely okay! The journaling reflection audio that I’ll be sharing will be still available in the chat even after the session is over.
Over the past few months I’ve written quite a few blog posts about using different frameworks for building inner clarity. Here’s what I’ve got:
The Craft of Effective Digital Vision Boarding (This is also a podcast episode!)
If you’re in the mood for one of my crazy nocturnal dreams, here you go:
Loving the Way I Move Through Life and Dreams
And I’m still posting chapters of my novel, Omnigirl.
So that’s all for now. Thank you for being here and listening to my words, and I hope that one day, I can do the same for you.
Arcadia Page
Intuitive writer/artist/creative rebel⚡
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