falling into line is ridiculous

When we’re all children, around the ages one till three, there’s no such thing as ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ or anything of the sort in our lives. Only the concept of kids being kids. This may not be a universal experience as such, but I am relatively certain that when we’re at those specific ages, everyone just plays together and hangs out together—no matter what your gender is. Then our fourth birthday arrives.

I had three important friends in my life when I was three years old. Two girls whom I’ll call Jackie and Tess and a boy whom I’ll call Henry. When the four of us got together at the playground, we were inseparable. We did all sorts of activities together and played all the games typical three year olds would play—hide and seek, bike riding, colouring and just using our imaginations to go on eccentric adventures. Then came my fourth birthday. Then Henry’s. Then Jackie’s. Then Tess’.

We started kindergarten after we turned four. I think that’s when things start to change. Suddenly, we gain a sort of consciousness about what the world around us is like. We start to consume more media; we read all those pieces of literature in class and we watch media as well. Gender roles become clear and there’s a distinction regarding how the women and men seem to behave. We then start to see all of it in real time. Many of the female teachers seem more soft spoken than the male ones. When we go home, more often than not, Mum is the one making sure dinner is ready white Dad is still out working. If our predominant locations are at home and at school, this becomes the new normal. And it did for us.

Soon, Henry and Tess stopped showing up at the playground more often until it was just Jackie and I left. Of course, we were stumped as to why the two didn’t come to play anymore, but we were also still kids and just continued to play like we always did anyway. The changes within Tess and Henry were more prominent in school.

“Recess!,” our kindergarten teacher announced.

And we were off. Except, there was a really puzzling circumstance I couldn’t comprehend. We were a relatively small class with an equal number of boys and girls. I just stood there and watched as the scene unfolded before me. All the boys had taken over the sandpit where they began to play with toy cars, building blocks and the plastic shovels and buckets provided by the school. All the girls had set up on the other side where the school kept the toy kitchen set and plastic dolls. The group of boys began to build tall towers using the building blocks and sand castles. The group of girls were playing pretend, some acting as chefs serving plastic vegetables and others acting as mothers for the little dolls.

I didn’t see much of a choice, so I followed the herd and headed toward the girl’s side. I simply thought it was the correct choice to make. And it was fun. I enjoyed pretending to cook delicious dinner for my imaginary customers. I enjoyed playing house with Tess and pretending to be the aunt of her doll children. Still, I occasionally glanced towards Henry’s side of the park. He was giggling and had the biggest smile building a tower with the other boys; they looked like they were having the best time ever. I missed Henry. We barely spoke anymore much less played together.

Then Jackie happened. Before I could tell what was going on, Jackie had crossed over to the boys’ side and tapped Henry on the shoulder.

“Can I help build the tower?,” she asked him, casually.

Henry seemed to furrow his brows. “What? No. Go play with the girls,” he answered in a tone I’d never heard from him before. It was almost a sneer.

“Why?” Jackie seemed to be truly baffled.

Henry seemed to think for a moment. He couldn’t really come up with a reasonable reply.

“Because the girls play over there.”

Jackie scoffed, “So?”

“Can you just go back?” Henry had seemed to run out of patience.

“Okay. Fine. I will. But give me some blocks first,” Jackie insisted. Her eyes had a determination to them. I’d never seen it before.

Henry probably just wanted her off his back. “Fine. Here.” He handed her a couple of their plastic blocks.

Jackie flashed him a smile and just returned to the girls’ side. But Tess seemed to have an issue as well.

“You can’t bring boys’ stuff here,” Tess huffed.

Jackie repeated in the same perplexed tone she’d had with Henry, “Why?”

Tess seemed to blank just like Henry did when searching for a response. She came up with nothing reasonable either.

“Because this is the girls’ side.”

Jackie looked done with their shenanigans. “You know what? I’m going to my own side.” She frowned and made a space for herself not too far from the girls’ side. She picked up the blocks and began building a tall tower of her own. Fascinated by Jackie’s defiance and also her building skills, I tread over to her.

Jackie grinned. “You here to help?”

I shook my head, replying with, “I wanna watch.”

She seemed alright with that and I watched as she built her intricate design. Well, as intricate as a four year old could come up with. And it seemed I wasn’t the only one interested. I could see the girls, as much as they tried not to be obvious, were also in awe of Jackie’s work. Even the boys had their heads whipped around to watch her build.

At some point, she was pretty much done, but she seemed unsatisfied.

“It needs something more.”

“Wanna try this?,” Henry came up and asked her, holding a little red plastic flag.

Jackie chuckled. “That’s perfect! Put it on!”

Henry helped fit the final piece to Jackie’s project. That may not seem like a big deal whatsoever, but it was for the girls and boys in my kindergarten class.

“Why don’t we all build a giant city? The whole class!,” Tess suggested.

This was a great deal for us because it was the first time since school started that we’d all come together like this. No one was separated. No one was left out.

Later, I asked Jackie what led her to do what she did that day.

She hummed before answering, “I just think it’s ridiculous. Who cares if you’re a boy or a girl?”

She was right. It is ridiculous. From the ripe age of four, we’re expected to conform and fall into line with the roles that have been laid out for us as women and men. We’re meant to grow into these stereotypes and never grow into anything more. To be honest, without Jackie, I don’t think anyone in our class would’ve learned we could be something more—that we’re more than just what other people think we should be.

The little things Jackie’s done or said have stuck with me and will stick with me forever. It’s led me to continually defy the world’s and my own expectations. Gender norms tell me that everything I do and should be doing is because I’m a woman. But really, it’s just about being you. And that’s why I’ll never be confined to falling into just one line.